StilettoRambler

Things aren’t the way  it use to be in the beginning of  our relationship.

 

I am always struck by how the simplest realizations in life or comments from strangers can be the most profound.

Someone says something so simple to you, and suddenly you find yourself nodding profusely as if to acknowledge the light bulb that just blew in your head, never mind just having switched on.

Today I want to delve into “things not being the same way they used to be in the beginning of a relationship.

It’s absolutely frightening to think about the incessant need and endless fights that couples and friends have because things are not currently or remotely the same way they used to be.

How many people do you know whom have stayed in relationships for years based on things from the first few days, weeks, months, or the first year of them knowing eachother?

I have witnessed some of the deepest and strongest bonds between people, as well as some of the weakest relationships weather countless amounts of fights and back lashing at each other.

I have seen women and men seeping in DAYS\MONTHS of disappointments , scarier even for me is when i see people allowing their boundaries to be broken and at the extreme end  swallow mild to moderate forms of abuse because of “ how great the honey moon phase \beginning of the relationship used to be ”  and how desperately they want to get back there.

I've seen couples finding a hundred different creative ways to recapture those feelings of bliss that came with the begininggof their relationships ..you know the slew of dates nights, role play, time apart, hotel rooms , expensive getaways ..

It often makes me wonder why?......... what are the true intentions of this mission to recapture the honey moon phase..

 Are we searching for that newness because ,we miss the person that we were at that time? 

Are we still buying into Hollywood fairy tales of happy endings?

Or is the reality of the current state of your relationship so rotten and disappointing that it’s easier to grasp onto the past instead of dealing with the present?

The ugly truth for me is a simple one. We cannot base our decisions to stay, fight or salvage a sinking ship based on how great  the beginning of it USE TO BE, its delusional and its lazy and selfish, yes selfish , why?  Because, it serves your growth as person no purpose. It serves your relationship no purpose and it makes the other party a prisoner of something that no longer exists and is impossible to recapture.

If you give two cents about your happiness and current relationship standing then do us all a favour and let go!

·         Let go of the boy he used to be.

·         Let go of the girl you used to be.

·         Let go of the friend that she was, and see the one she is now.

·         Let go of the things you used to do, and focus on what you do now, but mostly let go of the expectations that you mentally noted down during that honey moon phase of how things should be ..

 

Understand that you have changed, understand the people you were three months ago are gone, but recognise that that couple 3 months earlier,   have left you a foundation to further build on.

 Focus on the newness of today, in both of you and in your relationship; celebrate who you are now, for crying out loud we can’t spend an entire relationship at the beginning so that we don’t have to deal with reality that things are far less than perfect.

Your thoughts ?

StilettoRambler