StilettoRambler

Mothers Be good to your daughters…daughters will love like you do..

One of the things I enjoy doing in a conversation about relationship beliefs or perceptions ...is to track the root.....,

Especially when I am sitting in a full blown debate at a restaurant about the latter, something I always revert back especially with women is “face those daddy issues”  we look for men that carry qualities of our fathers, even though these may be unrealistic, and on this futile mission we pick up the wrong ideals of love, relationship and respect..

Naturally if we have these unresolved issues and this major influence from daddy dearest…surely we get some from our mothers too…?

 The question is then established: mothers?….yep mothers ?the women whom we instantly have to rely on from the moment we take our first breath,

if fathers or the lack of one, are such a huge influence on the partners that women choose, or shape their choices after then what about mom…? what influence does mom have?

A glance to the left and written on a wall is a quote stating “ have a mind that is open to everything but attached to nothing” with that ,now staring me square in my face i venture of further on mothers,

The types of Mothers:

·         Mothers who are jealous of their daughters and compete with them.

·        Mothers who are drivers of perfection, mothers who knit pick.

·        Mothers that are cardboard copies of suzy homemacker (eish)

·        Mothers who are overbearing, mothers who are distant

·        Mothers that abuse, mothers that manipulate.

There are so many unconscious subliminal relational and emotional  messages \beliefs that mothers  entrench in their daughters,  Beliefs  such as, you need a man in your life for security, but don’t trust men- cause they can’t do anything properly…do it yourself.,  or if you don’t snag one by the age of 30, you will land up sad and lonely.

They influence the relationships their daughters have with their bodies and are more often than none the cause of a poor body image, they communicate that a well raised women is domesticated, poised, polished and gracious but hardworking and caring,

 They push you to get educated and build a career to look after yourself, then bother you to settle down with a man and start making babies,

What worries me the most, is that mothers like everyone else, have their own set of problems issues , beliefs and live experiences that have bought  them to where they,

they communicate these attitudes and beliefs whether they mean to or not and these messages, affect the way their daughters , treat and talk to themselves,  everything from body image issues, to eating habits and even personal style.

Don’t get me wrong I love my mother, i have leaned invaluable lessons from her,  everything from strenghth to grace and faith , and I have a great amount of respect for mothers, but the fact remains,  if mothers aren’t good to their daughters, and daughters don’t employ a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing it’s a recipe for self esteem disaster and even more detrimental personal relationships,.

Take the pearls of wisdom that give handed to you, listen to the beliefs , watch the actions, debate with yourself and then decide weather it truly is something you can pack into your quest

Just because she stayed in an unhappy cold marriage , doesn’t mean that you need to grin and bear it through yours..get out.

 leaving doesn’t mean failure, it signifies the first step to -better, if you don’t like to cook and clean,  but love to be under a bonnet of a car, it doesn’t make you “less” suited for Matrimony…your match will hate a spanner and love a grater.

You are not your mother, you are you and your journey is yours as hers is hers, sure invite someone to accompany you on your journey, but for Pete shake don’t do it for security lets face it, sleeping next to gold can get rather cold.

Love your body, its the only one you have, regardless of what anyone says to you, including mommy dearest.

This post is not aimed at pointing fingers at mothers, its aimed at daughters to admit their experiences , understand their mothers are daughters too

Accept your influences, understand why you have the ideas you have, treat yourself the way you do- and then -  Rectify it- remember is not perfection its progress.

Take the advice, listen to the guidance, but at all times remember to have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.

 Your Thoughts?