StilettoRambler

Eyes Wide Shut Dating- How did he\she end up with "that" ...beauty and the geek.

This post is inspired by Remi Dammert-  A friend who once apon a time..handed me a book titled "the Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer"

"did you guys here the news? xyz just bagged herself a doctor, they are getting married next

year, lucky girl"

"Dude, you guys should meet xyz's girlfriend, she is a model, he needs to tie her down quickly honey is fiiionnnne"

"OMG guys how in this world, did he end up with her?, she is so pretty"

" what a waste that hunk is on her arm? he couldve done so much better"

 Have you ever heard similar conversation between, people or have engaged in one yourself where the jist of the conversation, goes little something like  the statements above or the ones below:

‘I can’t believe they broke up,  or ended their relationship, he is such a good man, good looking,  his tall, dark ,handsome, has a great job,  is successful, driven, is well respected, owns his own house,  and could’ve given her the life she wanted, A man like that is rare, and if I were her, I would’ve stuck it out”

                                                                              OR

Love? …Why are you still in this relationship, well, his a good man, he is stable, provides for the house, has a great job, is going to be very successful one day, has good points like- caring, timely, driven , neat, can cook and will provide me the life that I want”

                                                                            OR

Guys I just met the hottest, most cutest women, with an ass for days and a smile like sunshine, I think I am inlove…

If you haven’t, then I may be moving  around in the wrong universe….moving on, 

Todays post, is for the people, who choose their relationship partners with their EYES WIDE SHUT.

Those of us, who float on this very, primitive ,uninstinctive check list of adjectives …… the post is really to explore the question of  why  a man\women’s , height, complection , car, house , bank account, job title and looks , makes them of value??????….or even qualifies them as a good catch?????…

What in the hell, happened to well mannered, loyal, loving, accountable,responsible, honest and  integrity  driven indivdulas, in all our “type lists?  

Where was I when good old fashioned values got replaced by a bunch of adjectives like tall, dark and handsome? Or ,tall, sexy, caramel and successful?

No seriously..... why are we staring at the wood instead of the tree? Why in the world are those silly adjectives more important then the entire package?…why do we not date blind?

I always wonder  if we have lost all integrity when it comes to dating..what will happen to us out there who date with our eyes wide shut….....lets say hypothetically speaking 

 A fire burns your  adjective –based partners house down one day with him inside and paralyses him witch in turn makes him lose his job.....

whats then left  to salvage of them?

if all that was used to bed them and start a conversation with , was a  bunch adjectives

Mmmmm think about it…i will tell you what happens

now your butt, is  stuck with   a "poor", reduced self esteemed, unsuccessful , not so gorgeous man,\women who has lost everything and is now your problem to deal with….

Unknowingly to your ignorant self , you assumed MR,  and Mrs tall dark, driven, fabulous and successful at least had values left….but they don’t...and at the time, it didnt seem important anyway.. the fame and fabuloisty was to blinding at the time, values didnt mean much..

Suddnely you find yourself, workin two jobs, to keep your lifestyle afloat, begging the bank to not repo your house, and informing your kids that they need to move to a cheaper schoool....

crying in the bathroom one day...the question grabs you by the throat" how did I land up here ? with this person, in this terrible situation,? ..... this nagging, self - centred ungrateful, rude, mean , emotionally unavailible person? Who has no respect for me or my dreams what so ever… ?

how??!?!

well simply put, you made your judgement on superficial adjectives...

I am going to say this once only, your partners job, house and  or car as well as potential to be a success one day, shouldn't even make the list,

Those are things you can provide for you own hardworking butt, in matters of the heart, A stable value based foundation is the only thing that should ultimately count;  its the integirty of the core , that we should focus on.

as the poem "the invitation" beautifully puts it:

• I don't care what you do for a living ...i want to know what you ache for, what your dreams are and what you will risk to get them
• it doesn't interest me how successful your businesses are and if the value of the stocks you own  are true- i want to know if you could disappoint another to be true to yourself.
• It  doesn't interest me to know where you live, the size of your home or how much money you have.I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
• It doesn't interest me, where or what or with whom, you have studied.I want to know what sustains you,from the inside,when all else falls away
•  I want to know if you can be alone ,with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep
  in the empty moments.

All in all, i implore you  ....don’t get stuck on the looks, the money, the jobs, the cars or the trust funds that your potential partner comes with, but take a deeper look ...  look at the core..all that giltters after all isnt gold..and the roughest stones can sometimes house the finest diamonds.

At the end of the day, looks fade, boobs sag, libidos die down,  money finishes, jobs get retired from- but your relationSHIP still has to sale,

My advice to you, in order to not have a SHIP that DOESN’T run on fumes of “what was”… OR how successful you were, or great you looked in the days …

lose the eyes wide shut “type lists”  approach and  start dating blind.

Your thoughts?