You’ve broken up with him and now he’s dating someone else ..."Why her and not me.."
We often pretend to ourselves and to our peers that we wouldn't care less , when we often do.
We put on a strong face , grin and bear it, because it is expected and then silently deal with our own pain.
I see this happen with alot of women, they pretend to be fine after a break up with there significant other, they same unfazed that they have moved on, they will even go as far as to encourage there girlfriends to let go of the fools that they are currently dating.
I have been asked "what then when the reason for the break up was because he said"
"he didn't want to date anymore" , and that "he needed time\space", but weeks later he is flaunting his new fling....?
Or when they say they " they dodn't want to get married and thus not waste your time" and a month later they are engaged to someone new.
Though i don't have a problem with this, lets be honest here, people are entitled to their own choices,
My concern lies with the broken winged women, who start to obsess over themselves, beat themselves up, break themselves down and continually get haunted by the.
"why her and not me syndrome"
Very often we do at first try and convince ourselves that these reasons were valid, denial is always the first counter, maybe he wasn't ready....., maybe he did need time......, but and here is the ugly " but" the freeing but is this "
The fact that you are still asking yourself these questions, only means that you still crave a relationship with him, even though in all his actions and words the fool has demonstrated that he doesn't see the need or value in being with you.
you haven't even asked yourself if the fool is actually worthy of our time in the first place, but your fretting about her...
Here is the deal , him choosing to do something after your relationship, has nothing to do with you, it has to do with him.
Trying to convince your self that the reason he is doing this is cause he misses you......,
OR
that he is trying to prove something to you OR better yet there is something wrong with you! is firstly giving yourself to much credit, secondly not really knowing your true worth .
Listen to me again, its not about you in any way shape or form , .....its about him, his needs, his healing.
Its also not about her, the two of you are different individuals, with different value systems, different backgrounds and different needs,
The fact that he has shacked up so quickly after you, only means that he hasn't really healed, or changed his ways, and his convinced that he can still remain the same old fool he was , now if you broke up cause of the fool he was, why are you still fretting about the same fool that hasn't changed?
"Because he seems so much happier with her" i hear that alot to.
Here's the next ugly of course he seems happier with her she's "different" at least for now...
Women do it too, if they had a "bad guy" they go for a nice guy eventually get bored once they have healed, or better yet get married to the next best thing cause its too scary to be on there own, we are all human and we all have our own insecurities,
So I repeat once again, Its not you , you are a perfectly gorgeous women, driven , sexy , funny smart, caring loving and down right fabulous,
your Ex shacking up with someone new, minutes after you has nothing to do with you, its a need for attention, a convenient hook up, a distraction.
Its to prove that they still have it, its an attempt to move forward, you should take a que from him and do the same.
And remember the question should by NO means be " why her, and not me"
The question should be:
- why am i waisting my time, fretting over someone that no longer wants to be with me?
- why am i not taking the time to heal and focus on myself.
Stop investing your emotions into the why nots,shoulda, woulda, couldas don't for a second think that you weren't good enough.
Things happen, people change , needs evolve, take a minute pay attention to your changed needs, heal, grief , shout and scream , and then :
LOOK FORWARD TO NEVER LOOKING BACK .
Do the work on you and find yourself a mutually beneficial relationship where both needs are equally met and respected.
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