StilettoRambler

Relationship stagnation….how to save your sinking “ship”.

work is love made visible- Khali Giban

"Honey we never do things together anymore"

"Babe when last have you bought me flowers"

"Sweety this is your third girls night leaving me at home"

" You spend more time on that tv game then with me"

How irritating is that not to hear in a relationship... just how much you are starting to suck at keeping each other happy, keeping the romance alive etc...?

this post is for those couples whose ship is sinking cause their lazy asses want to be served love on a silver platter without doing the work.

When you are dating for a while, there is something that happens between couples …that I am not a fan off... clearly …. and  implore people to fight tooth and nail against ….

trust me  relationship nagging is a mood killer....relationship stagnation is hell ...cause i dont hate you enough to leave you , but its reallying becoming boring dating you ...and on top of that i need to hear you moan about the lack of romance...aaaahhh

I call it the “ PASSING SHIPS IN THE NIGHT SYNDROME “OR “STAGNATION” IF YOU WILL… , its categorised by:

·         No feelings of desire for your partner,

·         Lack of interest in them as a person

·         Not feeling connected to them anymore..

·         Not being able to have a MEANINGFUL  conversation with them

·         Having sex WAYYY less,

·         Mistaking a hug for intimacy and watching a soapy together as quality time

·         When the last time you said I love  or thank you was in "99….

·         Heart to heart talks get replaced by “did you buy toilet paper?, water the garden?, make the kids sandwiches?, feed the dog?”

·         Resentment

·         Flirting with others and

·         Complacency etc

You start realizing that there is a stranger in your house that happens to have your lovers name, sounds like them , speaks like them , but feels more like a passing ship in the night and that the thought of a night out excites you more than one in with your partner…

If at all you know what I am talking about, OR  you  are currently experiencing this…YOUR relationSHIP IS SINKING AND YOU NEED TO CHECK IT  BEFORE YOU WRECK IT.

There is hope, and I will share shortly , but your not going to like everything I have to say…

firstly these things happen so don’t beat yourself up..your not failing you have simply gotten lazy yep lazy ......... the big C......you guessed it ...content.

Over the years I have come to realize that although valleys and peaks in a relationship are normal this one is deadly…deadly!!!!!!!  and lack of effort amongst others…. fuels stagnation's fire…

Right up there with  unhealthy patterns of communication …such as biting your tongue instead of speaking your mind, a lack of development either in the individual or as the couple, a decrease in romance, decreasing respect, a lack of gestures of apperception ( gifts ) or letting ourselves go…ladies talking to you here..if the only time you get  dressed up these days  or do your hair and nails is for church or a wedding etc ….you’re in trouble..

So in the usual stilettorambler way there is the ugly,

You have given up on your relationship...you have given up on yourself and you no longer value yourself..... your waisting away in exclusivity ....your cheecky ass has bagged and tagged a partner and now you think you can just sit back … unfortunately for you though...

relationships are work..

act like you know .....Khalil Gibran says work is love made visible…visible being the operative word here..start showing it…stop expecting your other half to smell it...

As far as I am concerned you and your partner are solely accountable for your unhappiness and relationship healthiness... frankly put…. the fact that you are not speaking up about the feelings you are harbouring is severing no one, …..no one.. instead your resentment is growing and poisoning the relationship further...shame on you.

seriously I have heard the saying “ straight talk don’t break friendships” and sure as hell neither should it break your relationship.

If voicing your unhappiness about the lack of nookie, intimacy  and or communication ends.. your  relationship…then good riddance..

we teach people how to treat us, and if you are sitting in this sinking ship... you are saying to your partner and self...this recent treatment is fine by me...

Thirdly …focus on the up keep (ladies)  come on, not only will it make you feel sexy and desirable, he will notice the new you too….

Both of you..bring back the gestures or acts of appreciation, ladies drop the man a note will ya “ hey sexy enjoy your day”

Dudes pick the girl a flower, buy her a chocolate,  wash the dishes for her, get her a voucher for a manicure, write her a mail, make her breakfast...coffee

Ladies allow him guy time...set up a game day for him, make some nachos and leave!!!

Let him have some space , i am saying leave cause watching him play games all day will turn you into a nag...and we all know thats not cute.

Ladies send him an sms right now, telling him you want him tonight … (men like to be desired to you know)  and please  stick to it…I don’t care how tired you are…that bond needs to be nurtured...calling your inner sex kitten!!!!

 lastly take up a new hobby together or alone…spark the “new” inside you…for it will show outside you..too

As always good people do bad things sometimes, and routines are easy to fall into, but always love mindfully and  do the work .....

remember its progress not perfection and if you have  invested this much time in each other then the relationship is worth the work avoid the ice berg and start steering the ship again

So the challenge for all of you ..start your relationship revamp strategy today.

Seriously your not doing each other any favours..step up

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