StilettoRambler

THE BS OF THE BOYFRIEND - HUSBAND 

BEST FRIEND BANDWAGON SYNDROME

 I would like to tackle the whole belief that your boyfriend\husband and best friend should be the same person because I totally disagree, no i am lying i dont disagree i think its absolute nonsense.

If you are one of those people who are on that band wagon then Kudos to you, but I am just not seeing how we can be well rounded partners for our loved ones if we have all our eggs in one basket.
With this Boyfriend best friend band wagon syndrome nonsense! I mean really, can a girl live? what world do these people live in?, in what world are these two elements even the same? Has the world lost its mind because I think thats its the craziest thing i have ever come across.

•  When you’re not being treated well, you will compromise yourself by staying longer than you should because you have made your partner your bestie and isolated yourself.

• You will find it hard to stand up for yourself and you will stay and take BS for longer.

•  Best friends talk about everything—period issues, gross bodily functions, men, the random frienemy at work - you name it. There’s no filter - trying to talk your boyfriends \husbands ear off about these things, is not only “ not a good look” or very boring to them,   but I can’t see it doing any wonders for  the bedroom and or  romance either.

• Your standing without any support best friends are there to be confided in, allow you to off load and be one of your pillars, make sure you maintain, no man is an island and say what you want but your girl and man have lives and interests too that dont only equate being all about you.

• A LOT of unhappiness is because of lack of time for the self  - we are all human beings with different interests and expecting or even trying to turn your partner into your bestie is the start to compromising yourself and a healthy relationship.

 Your own needs must be given some priority so that, as a fulfilled person, you can then be in a position to be more generous with your partner and others around you.
You are an individual, who knows what keeps you happy and what keeps you sane, so make sure you choose every day to be best person you can be for your partner and if that means time out with your homies or girls over lunch or drinks that’s perfectly fine too.

Because I have met and seen some women and men  who have ghosted into long term relationships over the years and most seem deeply unhappy and in my rationality - if you’re not happy.. How can you be a good wife or girlfriend?!?

Having recently gotten married and stepping out of my writing hibernation, one of the most interesting pieces of advice I kept on receiving from anyone who had “been there” and felt experienced enough in  the marriage arena is that “ There is no place for friendships in marriage and that your husband is now to become your bestie.”

These two things to most people seem to be mutually exclusive and we have all witnessed how many girlfriends\homies we have lost to long term relationships and how many have straight up ghosted us after marriage.

Almost like marriage is the “ Rite of passage to loneliness and everything you knew socially is simply no longer allowed  Crazy I know..also YAWN

I was warned by divorcees that this means the end of knowing my single friends or friendship as I knew it,  I was welcomed to the club by  my married friends cause now its somehow easier for us to hang out !?1 “ now that we have soooo much more in common” and I was warned by my elders that’s its time I put this friendship and having my own life foolery aside and step up and fulfill my duties as a wife. ….. AGAIN ...YAWN

Anyway being that I have no time for what our single celled amoeba society thinks; I listened, but never really gave my thoughts on it at the time.

Fast-forward a few months and I am sitting on the plane watching Blackish, and the episode was focused around the premise that our partners, husbands, and boyfriends are at some point or another supposed to take on the role or become our best friend or long term and only confidant AKA best friend.

This all gets played out by Dre’s best friend Gigi coming over to spend some time with him and how Rainbow and Dre deal with it (Season 2  eps 11 ...watch it)

Here we are again I am thinking! 

I sometimes wonder if society puts any thought behind the baseless things and stupid sheeple indoctrination's it tries to force down our throats.

seriously though...

Show me a happy isolated girlfriend or wife? no please show me? Show me the boyfriends and husbands that are happy to talk about menses and messed up cycles, the bachelor, and wash day regimes?

Show me the partners who aren’t taping the game because  as your only and bestie they need to go to the art gallery with you and are desperately trying to avoid social media so they can still watch their game.

Boyfriend\ Husband Best Friend Band Wagon my A$$...PUHLeaaaase!

Can we get real and do what realistic and not retarded?

Don’t get me wrong all relationships are sacred and should be protected and respected, communication should be open and honest and by this I mean your business does not have to be hung out in the streets. BUT let’s say, however, that you want to go to a movie or a meal out or maybe just
 for some drinks.

What if your partner prefers a different movie than the one you want to see?
 Or a different type of restaurant food?  
What if he or she would prefer not to go to a movie at all but to a sports event or an art museum? and lands up dragging their feet the whole night?

Do you then forego what you want for the sake of couple harmony and boyfriend best bandwagon syndrome?

 If so you might find yourself  living your life via someone else’s choices rather than your own because you claimed this partner- bestie life and that i believe  is never going to lead to a healthy mutually beneficial relationship but instead to resent and feeling lonely in your relationship.

So whats my isssue? whats my reasons for thinking that these entities should be kept separate:
well: 

In the end I strongly feel that you need to be your own best friend first. 

I prefer to keep these two elements very separate entities because my partner is the person I am in love with, my lover , my forever, my  warm; passionate and wonderful.

 My best friends are built from years and years of cultivating a relationship based on common interests, respect and epic amounts of  alcohol filled nonsense from unfiltered conversations about nonsensical twaddle like hair extensions, hair dressers,aliens and nights out clubbing, to holding each other’s hands through heartache as well as  each others hair up at the end of the night in the bathroom end of a  heavy night.

Don’t fall into this trap, dont climb onto this band wagon if you dont want to and you don’t feel guilty about it either.

Your thoughts?

StilettoRambler