Girlfriends...Lies in the City.

Sitting at a popular bar in town one night, and people watching (as i soo love to do) found me zoning into a group of "girlfriends" dressed to the nines and sipping on cocktails..it was like i was an extra on the set of sex and the city..

don't get me wrong, its always lovely to see friends enjoying each others company, but it got me thinking about this  "girlfriends" phenomena..that sprung out in the late 80\90's

wait..hear me out.,

One of the great things about TV is that, well, it’s not real life. Otherwise, some days it may not be called Sex and the City but Depressed, Lonely, Crying and scarfing down a box of cookies in the City.

Even a die-hard sex in the city fan like me, has had to come to terms with the fact that, I’m not Carrie.

If you’re reading this: you’re not Carrie. Yes, I know you love writing, stilettos, cigarettes, wine and you’ve got your very own Mr. Big, but nevertheless, you’re not Carrie, and maybe that’s a good thing. .

Of course, the real reason why Sex and the City has managed to conquer every girl’s heart (isn’t the shoes or the cocktails  and mostly the focus of this very insert)...

It’s the friendships...

 The idea of having 3 or 4,super-close girlfriends and the token eccentric gay best friend to spend your Saturdays with,  is ever-appealing to chatty ladies like ourselves.

The only hitch, and the reason for my rant ,  is that in real life, when BFFs grow up and marry their BFs, they may have less and less time for Saturday brunches and impromptu shopping trip,.or nights out on the town-

In reality married friends have babies, and what you hear more often then none is, " I am so tired" and i wish i could join, but unfortunately i cant..so no..No Cosmopolitans there.

In real life your girlfriends cant come running with vodka and cookies in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon to discuss whether your latest date has mommy issues.

In real life, girlfriends, have girlfriends and who they are to you, can be gravely mistaken relationally, as to who you are to them.

more often than none, in  real life these girlfriends  get turned into  surrogate siblings or family witch brings me to a sad reality check .

Shows like these have scripted the ultimate  girlfriends -relationship -fairy tales,  for the fun, fearless females out there.

And today, i am calling the BS ladies, the truth of the matter is that your relationships with your girlfriends, are exactly the same as any other relationship.

Meaning they have boundaries, they are governed by values and norms, and most importantly should thrive off a basis of mutual respect.

To often i have witnessed, unforgivable behaviour within these setups under the guise of its "super- tight -ness"

Things like:

• Bullying of each other tends to thrive in these,
• Unhealthy competition,
• the birth of frenemies,
• inter - relational cliques,
• back stabbing etc

My point is, the same as the one in the post relationship fairytales  but with a slight twist,Those of you that are lucky enough to have these kind friendships in your lives,cherish them.

Those who don't, or are compromising their emotional health to be part of a group, get out.

The road to true happiness is paved with knowing your boundaries and understanding your self worth, dont let that get lost in cocktail dresses, cosmos and red lipstick.

Your thoughts?
StilettoRambler

Relationship Thieves: FORGET YOU or better yet SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

This weekend i found myself sitting pretty in a church attending a wedding, but to my surprise, found myself smack in the middle of a message, that well lets just say, was hoping to find me there and hoping i would share.
 
The message of the day, to the soon to be wedded couple was to watch out for relationship thieves as they go about their new journey together as newly weds.
 
Relationship thieves,.... are detractors hiding in plane sight.
 
The speaker went on to talk about how these thieves live in all aspects of relationships, for the long term committed couple staring matrimony in the eye, these thieves come in the form of excuses like:
 
1. "when the times is right"
2 " when we have saved enough money  for a wedding , or a house,
3. Or when the right job arrives, and you can  then be settled..
 
For  already married couples they hide behind:
 
1. "having  a baby"
2. "not having time for each other"
3.  House chores or  simply being tired from work or worse
4.. Expecting that due to that fact that they are married, things should just flow seamlessly"
 
What was further highlighted was that these thieves sole purpose is to steal from the health and the wealth of  the relationship.
 
That true relational health does not reside, in the house your planning on buying, the busy work schedules you have, or the fact that there is never time.
 
True relational health and wealth, is determined by the quality of the time spent with your partner.
The glass of wine at the end of the evening, the Saturday morning hike up the mountain, sharing dinner on a table away from the TV.
 
 and Basically doing the things that you use to enjoy doing with each other, when you first met, and the world throwing tantrums and screaming from the top of her  lungs couldn't stop you from wanting to be with,or spend time with each other.
 
He went on to say that, building a life on what you expect should lead to happiness, like the house, kids, car and paycheck, will eventually leave you stranded in a glass castle with a stranger that  once upon a time was referred to as your partner.

Life is life, time is always being competed for,  and real life relationships, weather romantic or platonic aren't  a one and a half hour long Hollywood script.

But with knowledge comes awareness, so be mindful of the relationship thieves in your life.

Recognise them, stare them in the eye, tell them to shut the front door and choose to protect  your relationships health and wealth.

Your Thoughts?
StilettoRambler.