Invisible Bruises…….Broken, Battered, Abused….”but he doesn’t cheat or beat”

Defining the A$$- Douche: This breed of man is the one that eventually proves to be a waste, adds no value to you or the relationship, has selfish tendencies, is more involved with himself  than you, mistreats and manipulates, and is only in it for his own benefits.

One of the biggest relationship misconceptions I have come across, and a rather frightening one, is that many women think that it is ok for a man to be an A$$- douche as long as he is not cheating on them or  beating them…

Oddly enough this always brings me to the question:

 What about the other behaviours?

 such as fighting with you for no valid reason...... being manipulative,  arguing with you and mistreating you….. then only  mere days later pretends as If nothing has happened?, ......and wants to make up…

Or things like being passive aggressive, or worse validating their terrible behaviour and justifying it because at least they don’t beat you, and they have never cheated on you?

Further i sit and ponder ....as i listen to these women talk about how his not that bad and many women have it worse...

Does this phenomena maybe come from the parental relationships that have shaped our own on???? ; is it something that women have lived with form a young age?

For example:

 “ fathers may have been complete A$$holes, manipulative, bullying the house, treating mothers silently , walking around like bulls in a china store, making mothers walk on egg shells, quiver, giving her silent treatment, controlling her, throwing disrespectful comments at her , but he never beat her, so his not that bad …” (Sound familiar???)

I have met very faithful A$$- douches for instance ...serious tools , and unfortunately and frighteningly i keep thinking... if women are going to continue to use beating and cheating as a measurement stick,  they will landing up setting themselves up for mountains of inappropriate  relationship behaviour........................ and still land up bruised ,batted, abused and even broken,

Sad to say allowing  this happens so often its almost common practice, but  using that behavior  as a measurement stick is just you setting yourself up with the worst kind of pain…

setting yourself up with invisible bruises, the kind you cannot see, struggle to mend,  and like a tiny parasite sit and slowly chip away, and away on the self esteem, the love for the self and the respect for the self never mind the hard work you have done.

Its almost as if women have not realized that it can be very comfortable for an A$$-Douche to stay in the relationship, ....

I mean who would leave with the benefits like free nookie?, someone to blow smoke up their ass, a helping hand in tough times,...... the statues that comes with having something on their arm, money, someone to cook for them,  and baby them when they are sick?

i surely would, if was douche...

So in the pursuit of mutually fulfilling relationships and a realistic happiliy ever after, I am going to highlight A$$-douch characteristics,  so  that your fabulousness cannot claim the - ignorance -is -bliss argument :

·         He continually changes the terms and conditions of your last argument to suit him- if you agreed that your allowed one night out a week , and then  he still bitches, makes you feel like your negleting him,  and gives you grief on that night- His an Ass- douche.

·         He threatens to leave you and acts like his life will be fine without you, so you change your behaviour and start dancing to his fiddle.-A$$-DOUCHE

·         He slowly controls you and leaves you at the end of your wasted time with him ….without friends, less connected to YOUR family, desperate and alone.

·         He moves in with you, lives the marriage, makes you play future wifey and never really commits , I am sad to inform you that you are being coned.

How do you know your allowing this to happen to you???? ,   question that i get alot too, well .... this  is when you find yourself always defending how great the good times are, even though its only 20% good and 80% hell, when you are the only person in the world that understands him, and no one else can understand why your dating him, then well your dating – you guessed it an A$$- DOUCHE.

So check yourself again, re- evaluate what inappropriate relationship behaviour is, and start to construct your exist strategy…i say exisit strategy cause well you are invloved with a master manipulator... and like a good chess game it will need a strategy

Your Thoughts?

Bad Boys ... Pack Leaders.. ....Women's relationship crack.

Bad Boys...the elusive charming man,  the untamable man, the exciting , sexy, dangerous ,cool , own rule making , law breaking outlaw that walks with purpose,  is confident and relaxed ...almost to confident , almost to relaxed , denies authority,  makes up his own rules , couldn't give a dam about any ones opinion  , seeks no approval , smells of sexual tension, leads , directs ...breaks scocietle rules ,  the one that makes you feel like the bonnie to his Clyde....

The man that comes with giant warning signs and a plethora of relationship  red flags....... the one who is guaranteed to screw with your head and heart and damage you emotionally for years to come... the one when asked to a group of women gets a 7\10 vote on the voting poles... the preffered man...

The man that has created the verse " Nice guys finish last"

I have to admit, i give bad boys mad praise, these men impress me...they  have the ability to give women just enough crumbs to make them believe that with more effort and time , these ladies will be able to train and shape them into exactly what they want "A Nice Guy"

And while they have that little string dangling and keeping their kittens busy ...........they get to have a fall -back girl and can continue in their pursuit of selfishness... knowing full well ,that they wont change, they may never get married  but just like that great bike, car or leather jjacket...................... you make  great asseory ....................not just too the noches on their belts but also to their bed posts, and therefore will keep supplying these bad boy crazed ladies with enough disrespect, to keep them hovering around and begging for more....gotta love Bad Boys..

Oddly enough  if you ask a women what kind of man she likes , she says "a bad boy", but if you ask her what kind of man she would marry she smiles and says " A Nice Guy" a sweet gentle soul that cares and respects me, is thoughtful and decent and treats me like a princess...

(In the back  of my mind, i am thinking - oh okay, so until then, you will continue to allow yourself to be disrespected and mistreated, become emotionally broken , subject yourself to pain and heartache and then when you are a total emotional mess -go ahean and make your issues , some decent , caring thoughtful " Nice Guys" problem???!?!?!?)

I just dont get why and when accepting anger, aggression and misuse became the staple acts of  - love????, seriously in what world does it make sense to equate disrespect and lack of attention and interest  with love...?!!

Yes that Alpha male thing is darn right sexy but--- come on!!!!

That kind of behaviour cannot be acceptable just because he has  James Dean appeal , John Mayor cokiness and Collin Pheral's body!

Heres the ugly:

• Ladies  your at fault for this, do you know how many times i have seen decent young men turn into these types because "girls like BAD BOYS" ----you would be surprised.
• Accepting this behaviour means that you have some unresolved issues with men that you haven't dealt with,
• Continuing with this behaviour of wanting to be treated like less, only means the you will have more holes in the self to fix when, one day you decide to having a mutually fulfilling relationship
• It means that you really don't have standards and if you do honey they are below par.
• Wake up and smell the coffee, you may be overlooking decent men, cause you are so wired to be mistreated.
• Your caving into your messiah complex - you cant save him, its not your place his brokenness is not your problem .
• Before you take the spec out of his eye take the log out of yours -Fix yourself first
• His not going to change cause of you, don't give yourself that much credit, PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE FOR PEOPLE, THEY CHANGE FOR THEMSELVES ...

Ladies, i can understand that the heart wants to be pursed, that you crave excitement, entertainment, being swept of your feet, and man handled "with care", but simply just bypassing the decent men out there in pursuit for ass holes, doesn't pay it forward for your fellow sisterhood...and for the NICER men out their finding you with so much baggage isn't worth the cat and mouse game.

Lets be honest, Ladies you are smarter then moths, they may not get it that for the 50th timethe flam  will burn, but i know that your smarter, sexier and wiser but mostly i know that you  know better and can do better.

Your Thoughts?

Coachroach Affairs..... Vampire love  and why you deserve to be a "DAYWALKER"

Why give them the moon and the stars if they cannot  even give  you sunshine?

Defined as cockroach affairs , because they mimic the behaviour of our friendly kitchen neighbours... just like cockroaches in a kitchen- when the lights go off they...... come out to play .............but ,as soon as the lights get put  back on................ they scatter... sound like some flings you have been involved in? 

My question then to you  would  be: where you the cockroach or the daywalker ?

Vampire love is another of my  favourite terms, the love that exist only under the cloak of night ... that completely cannot exist  in  daylight ..... mostly due to the nature of these affairs..... common amongst married couples ,within relationships  where you both are committed and strangely increasingly during the year before you get married your "engagement year".

People who take on the role of the shadow lover..the night crawler... the ones who sit and love you in silence, these are the people that this post is  for....

love is not silent , love is passionate, love is loud , love is intense, love is an all consuming force, it needs to be celebrated, shouted from the roof tops and publized, allowing yourself to be loved in the dark only... and putting yourself through the rollercoster of pain ...................that is shadow love is you .....quite  frankly,

 Taking a piss at yourself...

I sometimes wonder about people that, get involved in these midnight rendezvous- is it ,
for the thrill?
is there a serious connection between the two of you?
is someone taking adavantage of the other...?
or do you simply just have eyes for each other at night, why is it that we allow ourselves to be other peoples secrets??.........

what in the world makes it ok for you to put someone in a closet?!.... and why in the world do we allow it!!!!!!, are we dabbling with the 20% that may be missing from the relationship, marriage or engagement, or are we deep down inside serious commitment Phoebe's, or do people just have a serious need to self  destruct and destroy what they have around them?

I have come across it alot, when people have ridiculously great relationship, it almost seems to good to be true and before you know it they get involved with nonsense and start to disrespect the integrity of their relationships.

here is  the deal :

• Stop fucking around....you deserve better
• You are worth more than being someone's secret
• You are not a last inning, if he or she cant share the sun with you, why do they get the moon and the stars? no seriously .....

Pull the BS card on yourself if you find yourself intertwined in vampire love, next time say no, mistakes happen and sometimes good people do bad things  but to continually  engage in such a dangerous chess game is not fair on the other party, do your relationship a  favour and leave...., or man up and respect it

loyalty, love, care and respect are important , and if you cant man up to it, don't drag  the other party along on  a journey based on a facade !!!!!

As i have said before, you deserve better, and so do they, and lets be honest secrets of this kind only chip away at the core,  AND are a far cry form being  true to yourself and your journey.

Your Thoughts?

Misses and Mr Heart Break Hotel – The Rebound…Buffer..Human Cushion..

"Rebound love is one which is unavoidable when you are young and inexcusable as you age."

It blows my mind that people would sit around, lesson the blow, and allow themselves to be used by someone who has just exited a previous relationship..

Don’t get me wrong break ups are very hard to deal with, the reason they are so hard and so  though is that they............... like a death,  signify a loss….. an emptiness….. an ending, and for that mere fact they need to be grieved…processed ....and worked though.

Time is needed for healing…..Screaming…. boozing ….burning old photos…punching voodoo dolls .being on the own etc…..yet without fail  and WAY TO  too often I come across men and women that find themselves in the lovely position of MD or Madam of the heartbreak hotel.

People who just jump into a bed and a relationship with a man\woment that has just ended a previous relationship.... knowing full well…… that he\she may not be over the loss or have not completely dealt with their unresolved feelings…

Come on guy its a known fact that...

The ugly truth here is that people need time to heal, and not giving them that space or time means that you are willing asking someone to use you!

You are lessening the blow of their pain, you are allowing them to fix themselves on your time, love you half heartedly while they are in  transition or in repair ..

More mind boggling for me, is that when these individuals are all fixed  up and ready, they land up leaving your nurse maid butt in the dust for a healthy mutually fulfilling relationship …

seriously you’re not a human band aid..Bull the BS card ....grab a parachute and jump out of the situation...stop waisting your time already...they arent ready..

“But with patience they will come around, and see that i have been there for them and then in turn love me"

I hear that often too….but get this your choice is your choice your life your journey to sculpt but :

·     You’re a bon-i-fied distraction: right up there with checking your facebook page  while waiting in the doctor’s office, your only there to help them keep their mind of their Ex to fill the space that they left empty.

·     You’re a human cushion: Trust me you are nothing more than a mechanism to lessen the impact of the pain, but it’s not gone you’re just lessening it.

·     You’re stuck in a catch 22: You are now sitting in the position where you need to help them deal with pain of losing their ex, and in turn you don’t get to have your OWN relationship.

·      They are settling with you: It’s toooo scary to be alone so they are going for the SECOND best option which..... is you….

·     You’re a space filler: like a couch is to an empty room

More sadly so,  is the fact that you are constantly living in the shadow of the one that got away, you will always wonder if you are good enough, you will continually have to fight for the right to not be compared to the EX,  and your relationship will never be given the full emotional availability it deserves.

For the longest time you will only being filling his sexual and companionship needs, and for the most part  you may  land up getting hurt and investing more than you realise,

I would like you to call the BS now if at all you think you are the heart break hotel.

It’s pretty simple really..

If you really are such a great, fabulous worthwhile person, and they truly are interested in a caring , loving relationship with you , then you owe it to them to let them kick , scream and shout, and they owe it to you , to pack away the past,  take the time , fill the holes and give you the relationship you deserve..

 Your Thoughts?

Hold Onto Your Balls Ladies and Gents ….Doormats Aren’t Cute...Desperate aint Hot!

I get irritated by people who talk the talk but don’t realize that they aren’t walking the walk, opinionated “strong women and Men”   that talk a big game…but land up playing the reserve\supper sub in their relationship.

It’s a common phenomenon that I have come across…   I call it the “doormat phenomena "

 it’s the most common plague in relationships country wide….. This is when people especially women in relationships ,but not withstanding men… start to put their journeys on the back burner…..  they see their friends less, push there families, hobbies and social lives on the back  back burner, neatly  up there in the closet with the size 34 skinny jeans and sparkly tops they use to wear  when they had lives and before the frog in disguise arrived on their door step.

Don’t get me wrong you don’t have to be the “single- uncompromising -party-hard- person” that you use to be, but you are entitled to be an equal party and remain that way in your relationship..but let’s face it:

 you can only do that if

1. You really know yourself,

2. Actually believe what you  preach and,

 3. Practice what you preach…..

It’s really not worth it if you simply talk a big game because it makes you sound fearless and fierce …

If you’re” authentic-boundary knowing-mutually fulfilling- relationship preacher -self “dissipates into thin air the moment that, that face book status changes it means that you cannot really hold your own in a relationship.

 On top of that it communicates to your "the other " you actually have now self –respect for yourself, highlighting the holes in your self and handing over the power to the dragon you may have started seeing in search for the princess…or that frog…

Stop devaluing yourself, you are not that desperate (full stop) , they aren’t the last fish in the sea …  and your also not that sad…. believe me- you really aren’t … you have made it thus far and I promise you , you can look after yourself.... YOU CAN LOOK AFTER YOURSELF besides,

Doormats aren’t sexy, or handsome, doormats just land up getting less.- less respect from their partner and friends, less date nights , less commitment ,  just less…

Pathetic isn’t pretty…

The crazy bit  for me that is , is that alot of the times we think that by putting our needs, friends , families and interest on a back burner. for the sake of the new found “we” …

We are telling our partners that we love them, or that we are in love with them, that we are committed to the relationship, and that they are the most important thing in our lives and we would do anything for them…

they aren’t  the most important thing  and what you  are actually saying is:

·         My life isn’t important, trust me, I hustle all day to keep my head above water, run the rat race, sacrifice but it not that important , trust me  its worth abandoning  my interest ,family and friends and I don’t love myself that much…are you kidding!

·         I am an easy sell, I would bargain myself off in heart beat ,  sell my sole to the devil sure thing…does it mean I will have someone to lay next to at night, or get a valentines gift from… totally  then why not  i mean

     The me…

     The me.....

  The one that I have known now since the beginning ....since birth …….that person isn’t worth SH*t

I would sell her\him off to you anytime …. Yeah you…….. the person i have ONLY just met  OR  know for a few months or a year ....in a heartbeat sweety!

·         It’s easy for me, to be taken advantage off- I mean I just met you and look what I am willing to sacrifice in the name of love….friends????????  Who needs them… family….its only blood right? 

Oh and the extra 10 kgs why not? After all you say I look sexy .. that all that matters right?

 WRONG….

·         I don't love myself… hell all those other interesting things I use to do before you was just for kicks….it made for good cocktail conversation and  it made it seem that I am not uninteresting ..and sad then lasty

·         Abuse me.

Here is the deal, unless someone is adding value to your ALREADY established life, they aren’t welcome, and sure as hell don’t get to have a say, start banking on yourself please.

 like I said the ocean is vast and deep…. YOU will manage ….take  your heart into your own hands, stand up for real care love and respect,  don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk it, rather then spend the time on yourself ,

Or just don’t preach want  YOU don’t practice..

Your thoughts?

Claim You’re Mommy and Daddy Issues- It’s not your job to FIX each other.

Definition:

Daddy Issues:

Mommy issues:

  "Are defined as when a boy who was overly indulged and overly mothered as a child may find himself looking for that same type of attention and “motherly love” as an adult.  As a man, he may be drawn to women who are reminiscent of Mom.  Likewise, if he did not receive enough love from Mom, again he may go looking for a woman who can fit the role of lover and mother as an adult."

So the scene is set, you’re dating each other for a few months now, the rose tinted glasses are fading from a bloody red to a cooler salmon, You know her likes, dislikes and ways…. favourite colours and flowers, you’ve seen his place ,met his friends, played playstation together and partied the night away.

You have done the dates, movies and the official announcement signified by the hand holding in public along with all this- your face book statues has officially been changed to ‘in a relationship”  things should be running smoothly--- but suddenly….

 Her quirks irritate you -----that sweet giggle is now an annoying grunt!, and his seemingly cute boy habits are now more irritating than banging drums after a hangover…

You start to nitpick on each other, these quirks once cute are now unbearable habits that need mending….

little tiffs have more weight, you start attacking the very thing that attracted you in the first place , the result ?  .....is you  feeling less loved,  you feeling not good enough cause you are suddenly under attack----- your partying ways have now turned into you having a  drinking problem, your shoe fetish is now money wasting and his boys nights give you a sigh of relief-the socks on the floors now represent disrespect etc

Sound familiar?....good, not however its the start of relationship suicide:

I am not a believer in showing your best self when you meet someone new, :

·         I am not impressed by people who try to date each other while projecting there “best images”

·         I am not impressed by men who shower women with gifts and compliments in the beginning and then suddenly it dissipates...

·          I am not impressed with women who meet men dolled up to the nines and only expose there make – up free faces or uncombed tresses in month 6-8 or so.

When it comes to dating or a potential future with a man or women, I am a firm believer that you need to show the whole you, the entire self -the good the bad and the ugly.

I have had many situations where I meet suitors, and the first thing I tell them upon establishing interest  is that,  there is

 nothing nice about me.... 

or  sweet for that matter of fact…I am not  a nice person, I am selfish, my best interest are my first priority, it’s all about my queendom.

 My first love is me- safely and without a doubt , then my family,  then my friends, I am not perfect either don’t get me wrong-  I simply have standards , and believe I need to be loved with mutual respect for me and my independent self, coupled up with my family and friends and quirks------------- it is a non- negotiable.

Well as you can imagine as first dates and random flirts go the response I always get is:

 “That’s great, I have a lot of respect for independent strong women who can look after themselves   and   don’t take nonsense. Women who know what they want … “

Months later, upon actually having an encounter with the not -nice -self –loving- independent-women , who puts herself, friends and family first- suitors seem surprised ……..and to me it’s entirely gob smacking....

Honey i laid my terms and conditions down from the get go...did you forget ??or was the real me not really your priority at that moment? 

So I reiterate  it again, I don’t believe that in the game of love, smoke and mirrors, make up and lies, best feet first and the lot are good relationship building blocks habit for most of us but not building block material,  lets face it it’s not a job interview it’s your life, time and heart!...its your potential forever...

If you cannot tell someone upfront what you are about  and who are and own it! then you cannot expect them to NOT want to mould you into their ideal…

The point will always remain that relationships that have a serious chance in hell are those that start with the truth, even the ugly truth move to acceptance of all the truths..... and then off course  live of basis of shared values- anything other than that is utter BS:

·         Fixing each other will not fix the self.

·         There is nothing wrong with learning from each other in a relationship and helping  one another, but  continually  trying to help, steer ,assist and mend their broken wing is not your job it can have a rather costly effect at the end.

The only thing you can do is own your daddy and mommy issues and fix yourself, if you have abandonment issues, being over needy won’t change that, your lack of trust is not my fault , matter of fact it will chase your me away, if you have body image issues go the gym, eat healthier, if you have a need to control your partner, control yourself first, if you lacking spiritually then go to a church, find a group mend the self.. read- explore- meditate.

The only thing you can, to enrich the life of your partner  is  to trace back the root of the wound , that caused the hole in the self,  whether it may stem from your mother or father address them, charge them down , own them and start  the mending , otherwise you will spend countless hearts and heartbreaks later trying to mend your wounds through someone else.

The road to self love is not an easy one, but I can promise you know it’s the worth the while own your issues...

Your Thoughts?

Meaningful overnight Relationships...............The flings without the strings...

Note: The words casual and relationship  in the terms of Love are completely juncxtaposed from each other, if you have ever been in a relationship you will know that there is NOTHING CASUAL ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP.


Friends with Benefits, Casual relationships , booty calls,  the last innings of the evening, or as i like to refer to them as : Meaningful overnight relationships....are all a bunch bull, and taking part in them  makes you an  easy and convenient  joyride for men and women who are single but emotionally UNavailable.

What defines a meaningful overnight relationship? - these are relations where you and a partner are engaged in  or otherwise invested on a temporary irregular basis, they come standard with all the bells and whistles that mimics a relationship.....you hang out  with each other sometimes, talk, listen to each others moans and groans, go to movies .....text ,sext and email as well as occasionally hang out with each others friends, they exist mostly in the dark or within the four walls of your homes, they continue for about 2-5 months and usually end with the words :

" your a great, stunning ,  intelligent xxxxx , i have so much fun with you ,  never  ever have i met someone that i can be so honest xxxx blah blah blah with .....you know i really care about you , but i am just not looking for a relationship right now"

When in the mmeantime you have invested your PRECIOUS TIME ,energy and heart -mimicking a relationship but never really getting what you were looking for.

Don't get me wrong these are very tricky It really is EASY too  leap in AND to believe, that because someone enjoys your company so much, your sleeping with them from time to time, giving them an ego boost, helping hand, shoulder to lean on.......... hell in some of these meaning fulls you even get  introduced to friends and  family, and may elude to the future, so its easy for you to feel that that you’re in a relationship.

Unfortunately i need to let you know that just because some single but emotionally unavailable spends their time with you, rocks your world , takes you  to the occasional  movie it doesn't mean that your in a relationship

It means:

•  That they are using you to fill a gap, or run from an emotion that they don't currently want to deal with,
•  It means that they may like you on some level , but they don't care about nearly enough to engage you in a loving authentic caring relationship,
• It means that you are an easy emotional hit without all the strings that come along with it, your fun with no drama, actions with no consequences .

I know for a fact that it is hard to hear that you have invested time into someone to find out that they just don't feel the same way about you, its gut wrenching and painful, and it is understandable to still want to hang around, and change their minds, it is understandable to seek validation.

But the truth of the matter is, that if someone is that into you , there is nothing that would make them drag you along in the dark , for a joyride, for there fun, there would be no reason to use you as an emotional band aid,

To be very honest time is a very percous thing, once you give it you can never get  it back, and thus i  urge you to not give the "milk for free" make that person buy the cow.

It is pretty simple, we don't invest our time, and hearts in these kinds of relationships, we don't tag along and play the role without the benefits, it would make as much sense as showing up to work on a Monday, clocking in your hours, faxing, emailing, attending countless meetings , and then not getting paid at the end of the month.

You would  NOT waste your blood sweat and tears on a job that doesn't pay OR benefit you , don't waste your heart, time and fabulous self on a person  that wants the fling without the strings...your worth the strings.

Commit or ship out!

Your Thoughts

 

THEY TREAT THEIR DOGS BETTER THAN YOU...BUT YOU ARE STILL AROUND

Many of us have heard the saying before - that the way people treat us is the way that we allow them to treat us..."basically we teach people how to treat us."

We guide them through the rule book that is us...with that said whenever we find ourselves unhappy in a friendship or relationship i don't think we realised that it is ALLLLL our doing ... i will say this again i don't think that we realise that it is all our doing..as in...... .You did it to yourself, your unhappiness is a direct consequecne on how you have been teaching the people around you  on the acceptable and the unacceptable.

I have come across it alot, women think that when there lovers are harsh or mean to them , keeping quiet is the better route out, we don't want to poke the bear, sneer back , stand up ,walk out and do exactly as we please, instead we try to silently slink around, make dinner, and then the moment we do get an out..we go bitch and moan to our friends,

What people don't understand is that keeping quite when we are were wronged, or just doing what you have to do for the sake of peace , is telling someone " that the way you are currently talking and treating me is OK"

• Allowing someone to make you  feel like you are not good enough for them ----and you  NOT countering them,  THAT is you saying "honey your so right, "and the way your making me feel like pond scum is totally OK
• Allowing someone to ignore you when you are talking to them and not calling them on it, is you admitting that your points on things aren't that important.
• Allowing someone to be hours late to your date and not mentioning that your angry- is you telling them that you don't have respect for yourself -why should they.
• Allowing someone to lay there hands on you in any other way then with love and care, is you admitting that your body is not a temple so they don't need to treat it as such.
• Allowing someone to flirt with other women in front of you , is you admitting that you don't matter.
• Allowing a man to treat you as a lieing cheating women of the night , and adhering to there rules and restrictions on your life is you admitting that they maybe right and due to the fact that you are so untrustworthy, maybe you should be treated as such.

Unfortunately the sad and ugly truth here is that you are your own abuser, you are beating, and cheating on yourself, and no amount  OF asking why and fighting with your partner or shedding bad light on your partner will take a way from the fact that you are doing it to yourself,.

Scarier even is the fact  that you are not standing up for how you want to be treated ..... AND i am afraid no one else will...you are then left at the Paraels of your own lack of self love and his tiny self esteem-

But if you frequent these pages you will see that i strongly believe that sometimes good people do bad things, and that striving for an authentic life and being aware that when we know better we need to do better is high on my priority list.

Knowing now that you are the captain of your love ship and you are in charge of how and when you will  be loved, as well as how you will not be loved, i would like to give you the permission to put your sexy kitten heel down , or awesome sneakers or comfy pumps and repeat these words :

" HELL NO HONEY,....................................... I DO NT  EVEN TREAT MYSELF THIS WAY, I MIGHT HAVE BEFORE ......................BUT THOSE DAYS ARE SOOO OVER!   AND FROM NOW ON NEITHER WILL YOU .... SO YOU EITHER LEARN TO TREAT ME WITH LOVE AND RESPECT..........................AND  IF YOU THINK THAT WILL BE TO HARD FOR YOU -  THEN THERE IS THE DOOR................. DO NOT LET IT HIT YOUR ASS ON THE  WAY OUT:

Steer your life to one that is filled with, love, care ,respect and happiness, do overs don't come easy, and your to fabulous and precious to not treat yourself that way, never mind allowing others to treat you that way.

Your thoughts?