StilettoRambler

BEWARE OF THE SURROGATE BOYFRIEND SYNDORME  -The aftermaths of  a break up that we don’t notice.

 

 

Too often, I see women devastated by their dating experiences. Despite their best efforts, men never treat them the way they deserve to be treated.

The brave ones leave, those that are steadfast and have made bigger commitments stay and fight.

My post today is for the brave ones, who have left the comfort of a not so prefect relationship and are willing to take a shot at new love.

Firstly , I know that building your self-esteem and self- respect as a women and investing in yourself is hard enough as it is, but it is also an on-going process.

However what gets my panties in a complete knot and makes me livid!Is the self – defeating behaviour that ladies suddenly revert back to during the time spent mourning the loss and healing from the pain of a break up.

Yes break ups are hard – trust. And yes healing is work. But we are women.  We can do many things at once.

The reason for today’s rant is a simply to act as a reminder to anyone out there who may be victims of the surrogate boyfriend syndrome and are not aware of it.

it’s one thing  that I have noticed falls wayside in the midst of the storm that is the healing process.

Listen up,

Re- discovering the self, does not have to happen at the cost of lowering the self‘s worth.

I repeat myself;

Re- discovering the self, does not have to happen at the cost of lowering the self‘s worth.

The only thing that has changed is that you are no longer in a couple. Nothing else.

You are still beautiful, you are still worth the effort, you are still strong, you still have power, your needs still matter and your wants are still important.

Taking BS from anyone is no longer allowed, nevermind the men\women we meet during our healing.

It’s been proven that during a relationship women are more hell bent on asserting themselves to their partners, sharing their needs, revaluating their needs, reinforcing their boundaries - all the things that keep the SELF well balanced.

When experiencing a break up however, it seems to rewire them, because now they are spending so much time trying to heal, that they seem to have a temporary drop in  their standards of self and self-worth , this is usaully  evident by the resurfacing self- defeating behaviours; -  most  often bought on by the new Mr Now. =surrogate boyfriend syndrome

All of sudden crumbs are enough or accepted - where you see women setteling for whatever form of attention and time they can get from  Mr Now.

Suddenly  their boundaries disappear, standards are shaky....  and you will find that he now gets to control, manipulate or even more frustrating -   upset or misuse their already bleeding heart.

And before you they know it they are a victim suffering from surrogate boyfriend syndrome

Forget the fact that you have done the work on yourself, forget the fact that you built your confidence and self-esteem to a point of happiness, NOo instead..

let’s let Mr Temporary Boyfriend- Booty call – Distraction,  make us sad, needy, wanting, insecure fools.

In my opinion you’re committing a crime- you are now a grown up women and no longer the girl that left the relationship.

in my oppinioin girls put up with Bull Shift, women don’t, and if you can see yourself in this post today, it’s time to refocus the journey on you ,  your needs and wants and your strength and your growth .

You didn’t come this far to sell your self-worth for instant gratification and a quick distraction.

Remember that healing is a process and that i goes in steps, know that a male companion is fine here and there but dont forget that Re- discovering the self, does not have to happen at the cost of lowering the self‘s worth.

change it today.

StilettoRambler