30 and Fake
Friends
“At
first I thought I was losing friends, and then I realized I was being shown who
the real ones are”
“Oh
you’re talking to me? I thought you only spoke behind my back”
The term friendship for me has a very heavy weight
behind it, but I have come to realize that in this new day and age it has
become quite a cheap and lose term in words, but oddly enough not in
expectation.
The mutual relationship between friends has become
quite cheap, evident in an age when you’ve got people who have hundreds
of friends on Facebook and barely two friends to rub together in real life come crises,
a much needed chat or a shoulder to lean on.
We refer to people who we don’t know very well as “friends”
but then have expectations of these people as if we have known them for years.
We call our meaningful overnight relationships “A friend”
We mistake being “friends” on Facebook as being the
same as in real life.
In my warped world it takes effort, time and
experience for friendship to grow, people who like your updates aren’t all friends
they might just be supporters.
People that
abuse you; attack your character, attack you in public and don’t stand up for
you when you are not around are not your friends.
People who stab you in the back aren’t friends
either. But that should go without saying
This ramble today is not about the obvious things
that warrant fake friends, like gossip, back stabbing etc.
This ramble is about the “wolves on Friendship
Street”, the ones in sheep skin; whom for all intensive purposes, look, smell
act and have convinced you that they are a friend but indeed are not.
A friend; you know - a person that has your best
interest at heart and is a willing partner in a mutually fulfilling
relationship. A friend a person, who checks up on you, calls you on your BS,
makes time for you outside of their convenience, doesn’t take it personally when your too busy ,and
schedules a next time, A friends you aches at your loses and celebrates your
victories regardless of time, space or distance, invites you to celebrate in
there victories, baby showers, birthdays , promotions, weddings etc.
What seems to be failing me is that people don’t seem
to realize friendship like love needs action, trust, time and is work made
visible.
This post is
about calling out those that are coasting under the umbrella of “ friendship”
I am not too sure about the complexities of male
relationships but female relationships are very complex and if you find
yourself in your thirties or headed to your thirties and there are still some
dodgy situation- ships you call a “friendship” then it’s time for you to get
honest and audit your “friendships”
which; brings me to being thirty and having fake
friends...
In the quest for a genuine authentic life that is filled with love and
light and before you reach the tender age of thirty or if you are past thirty
but are still the owner of some ratchet “friends” it’s time to clean out the
closet and throw away the junk because you deserve better.
For crying out load it’s hard enough just dealing
with intimate relationships in life should we really still cater to people whom
are drilling holes in our boats?
I have for a very long time been a firm believer
that although our romantic partners are of utmost importance to us and on a
whole other relational sphere, that unfortunately (and I get in trouble for
this a lot) your friendships are more permanent than your intimate
relationships, purely for the fact that a relationship is fickle at best and
can end in a break up faster than a friendship can , never mind that very often
we carry our friendships onto the next relationship.
So how do I take the blinders off and identify people
that don’t deserve to be in my circle of trust?
Herewith a few Exit signs to use as guidelines:
1.The
stench of resentment :
“It takes a
special kind of person to be a hater, but only a true loser will give the
impression of being your friend while resenting every progress/success in your
life.”
Trust your gut the moment that you get the slightest
indication that your successes are a thorn in your “friends” side – leave, book
out!
“If they cannot truly celebrate in your joys then they
are not your Friends “pay attention eventually they will shoot the following
line at you or the look implying the line – “oh so you think cause your educated, promoted, married, etc. your
better than us\me” that’s your Exit sign
2.Liars.
Fool me once,
shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on
me. Fool me three times – why are you
still on the list of people whose calls I return? –Exit sign
3.Chameleon
tendencies:
This one is a
little tougher and more heart-breaking, but it’s important for you to identify
what role you are fulfilling in someone’s life (comfort, distraction, fun, financial, )and
you will then realize if your friendship is fake or not.
For instance
if you are the party friend, as in always invited to a crazy night out, but you
don’t get invited for a normal easy Saturday – Fake
When they are
attached to your hip during a break up but ditch you when the rebound or new
love has arrived - Fake
When they make up excuses for not being able to see
you but “land up” going to another party that same night - Fake (there is no instance where in the event
things have changed they cannot update you and invite you along, or at least
extend the invite.)
When they want to share in your pain, but wont allow you to share in theirs - Fake
When they compete with you - Fake
When your the victim of Jeoulsy - Fake
When your friendship only suits their chameleon
tendencies drop that shift like a hot potato cause if your rearing to thirty or
your past thirty and these energy drainers still share your inner circle of trust you
are only abusing yourself and aint nobody got time for that.
Know who your friends, Know who your supporters are,
know who has your back, Know who has your respect, know who is worth your time, know whos fun friend you are, know who is an aquaintence , be aware of the levels and tiers
and understand that all of them are different and not all are necessarily friends then
adjust your expectations accordingly.
Don’t be hurt, or get caught in the web of 30andfakefriends because
you deserve better.
Your thoughts?
Stilettorambler
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