StilettoRambler

Conquer from within – Bridge. Match. Burn.

There is an old saying that goes “good fences make for good neighbours”

One of my oldest mantras is that you - teach people how to treat you- this means that you have limitations on what you will allow and how you will allow yourself to be treated.

I have also come to realize over the years and recently that a lot of the times we think that in teaching people how they should treat us. We need to set up boundaries, (which is correct) but the fault or misunderstanding within the self is “that we think we are actually  setting up restrictions or rules that are supposed to control other people’s behaviour towards us.

Think about that…

Indeed and by definition a boundary is a guideline to direct other people with regards to what will fly and what will not fly, but what I am noticing is that we sit, establish our boundaries and then we try and use them to amend other people’s behaviour towards us.

That is BS.

That’s called controlling people not instilling boundaries. Boundaries are for you and not a to-do-list of “HOW TO” for others.

For me a boundary is your personal defence wall, and it’s something that you hold yourself liable to.

It is not something that another person needs to respect; it’s something that you need to respect.

If YOU don’t hold yourself accountable for your boundaries other people will definitely not. I mean come on..!

It’s pretty simple for me when it comes to my boundaries being disrespected I employ the “Bridge. Match. Burn.” Tactic witch just means that I build a bridge and then get over my hurt feelings or disrespected boundary, walk over that bridge, get to the other side, light the match and watch that bridge burn.

Because let’s get honest here, It’s not about sitting down and having a big talk, it’s not about some huge confrontation in an attempt to control or steer people  to live in a manner that suits you,  that’s called begging for understanding and begging is not cute and your worth more than to beg.

Never mind the other party, for the other party it gives them control and I don’t subscribe to control.

If you meet people and they don’t treat you with respect, kindness and or understanding from the get go, then instead of fighting and trying to instill your boundaries onto them, simply unsubscribe to their issues.

Don’t get me wrong people have relationships and we all have friendships and we make mistakes in relationships and friendships all the time and nothing is wrong with talking that over, understanding where you hurt them, knowing better and then DOING better.

This is not what I am talking about, what I am talking about is when you don’t know your limit or others limits with regards to you.

When, you consistently fail yourself in instilling your boundaries.

When you cannot conquer from within, when you cannot stand up for yourself and then blame or have anger towards the boundary “ crashers”  for what you are going through.

When all you have done is build a facade of a fence but its neither working to help you understand and know your limits and neither is it keeping your neighbours trash out of your yard.

If we focus on conquering ourselves from within no one can conquer us form outside.

  “Strong fences make for good neighbours”

I strongly subscribe to the notion that establishing strong fences, working on our love for our SELF’s, doing what keeps us mentally and physical fit, knowing what makes us happy, knowing what makes us sad, conquering fears that we may have, letting go of friends that have treated us badly , not subscribing to frienemies and unsubscribing to other peoples issues should in my mind make for a happier clutter free life.

SO I want you to decide today to take ownership for how you want to live and feel.

Remember that without good fences your neighbours will run your garden riot, disregard your feelings, needs, desires, expectations etc. and trust me , even in taking control of your house and garden , there will be times when people still hurt or poke a hole in your fence, that’s human nature, humans are crazy, selfish and destructive what I want you to do is promise that the re-occurrences of these will never happen again. NEVER!

You only have yourself; witch in my mind should be your first true love. A love that you must protect fiercely

Your thoughts

Stiletto Rambler