StilettoRambler

Daddy Issues - Whats Yours?

Fathers play such a vital role when it comes to women developing a healthy male relationship or even a healthy relationship with herself.

They also deeply fcuk us up and we do very little in realising just how badly they broke us and what we need to do to heal from their affections or lack of affections.

What we do instead is jump into the dating pool, and or friendships to tackle the very things that broke us in some way or another with our issues NEATLY intact, and then later we complain because other people are the problem.(smh)

I must declare up front that I have been asked many times, why I have never shared my opinion on daddy issues and to be honest; I have been sitting on this post for some time now ; it’s the kind of post that throws me WAY out of my comfort zone, merely because it’s something that took me a while to fully grasp, I have still been growing with it and I am still learning from it.

I hope to offend you with this post, because if I offend you, I have pushed you a little bit out of your comfort zone; and let’s admit it; that’s where growth happens.

Here is the ugly truth, your relationship, and situation - ship, dating life, marriages, or any other situation where you find yourself continuously dealing with the same BS in your  life whether it things such as boundary issues, respect, vulnerability, emotional availability and or pride.

Things that cause you, in the end, to be alone or with a douche bag is because you have daddy issues meaning YOU:

A – Haven’t forgiven your father;

B – Haven’t realised that you have issues with him.

C- You are still angry with him and you’re trying to deal with those hurts through dating different variations of him; or 

D –You idolise your father SO much and that is causing your love life to slowly wither away and die.

Relationships are a very big deal for us as humans; because we are social creatures; yet we do very little to see how our relationships with our dads have shaped our dating habits or even friendships. I can tell I have, and not only is it frightening to see the different variations of my father in different friends and people, but its also a major growing - curve and giant leap towards being the best version of yourself.

What I do see more than I would like too, is women dating different variations of the issues they had with their dads or idolising their fathers to such an extent that they never find a partner because their ideals are very unrealistic and the men that they try to date just land up leaving and feeling inadequate.

I also see friendships built on the issues daddy left us with, I have seen people trying to overcompensate and bend in a friendship because they don’t want to lose love or be rejected, I have seen people let their boundaries be driven over with a tractor because they never had the chance to establish there own, I have seen people bully and get bullied because that’s all they ever saw daddy do.

if your a women,  father is your first love they say.

So there is my question for you today....what’s your daddy issue?

Do you only date older men?

·    Have you realised that you are struggling with a sense of security and these silver foxes are your different variations of the same person\ problem. ..Because daddy never really provided or he was the only one to really coddle and understand you so younger men can never compete?

Are you overly protective; jealous or clingy?

·  Because you didn’t grow up with him at home and now you smoother your man because you’re afraid he will leave you too?

 Are you miss monogamy the serial monogamist?

· You saw just how devastating it was for your mother when he left, or how she struggled without him;

· So now you serially date because it’s taboo to be man-less? Or you want to prove to

yourself that you are a better person then he was? that you can commit

· So you bounce from one relationship to another without any thought or growth?

·  Or even worse you stay in a long term unfulfilling relationship because it’s safe?

Are you the very stubborn self-reliant women?

· “Who don’t need no man” can look after herself and will never be emotionally available or vulnerable to anyone, because for as long as you knew; daddy was just pure trash, a non existent pillar for you to lean on and all you gots is yourself?

 Or are you the classic overly promiscuous girl?

·  That only got compliments from daddy because of your beauty or great outfit and now you think sex is power, that is  how to get a mans attention and thus throw yourself into meaningless overnight relationships with jerks who couldn’t bother to remember your name, because attention and real validation was missing?

Offended yet? No?

Great; then you won’t mind me telling you to stop playing the victim to douche bag men and throwing  pity parties because you haven’t done the real work?

And I can also add that your heartache is completely self-afflicted because you are a grown ass educated women that can afford the world and maybe even balances books for major corporations but you can’t have a healthy relationship?

Funny how we can balance books, run multi-million dollar campaigns but cannot sort out our own issues…

Here is the deal; there ARE men out there who are NOT like your father, and there are decent men out there who can be the start of a beautiful journey; but hear me and trust me when I say:

Your A$$ will not find him, will not find your happily ever after, until you tackle those cracks in your SELF then deal and heal.

Learn to understand your weaknesses as a person,

Work to conquer them and I promise you that things will start to fall into place.

So that the next time you venture out into the murky waters of relationships your weaknesses will have turned into the tools you need to use to  forge a healthy mutually respectable relationship built on trust, respect and love.

Until that day you will continue to date different variations of your daddy or sit in different variations of boundary issues, respect issues, vulnerability issues, emotional unavailability and or pride.

All in an attempt to heal.

You will continue to date daddies controlling nature or daddies lack of security or daddy the jerk who only validated you based nonsensical twaddle.

There is a saying that goes something in the lines of;

 “When a vase falls onto the floor it cracks and even though you glue it back together it will never be the same again”

That’s all and well, but I will let you know, that I would rather date a broken glued up vase because at best it can still carry water and keep a plant alive.

Then a pieces of shattered glass  laying on the floor because she hasn’t sorted herself out.

Your thoughts?

StilletoRambler