StilettoRambler

Missing your Ex?... Single? ….Broken up?... In a Relationship?... Married or just dreading seeing  the relatives – Christmas ramblings for your sanity.

 

 

 

Before I start, I just want to state that I have no problems with Christmas or Christmas time.

My issue lies in the fact that for some reason, people just lose their sanity…no seriously.. THEY GO NUTS..  self-esteems get tested, drunk dialling is on a all-time high.

Being single is suddenly a crime, long term girlfriends thinks it’s a viable time to push their boyfriends into engagements or babies.

Married couples fight about witch family members to spend Christmas with, estranged relatives who make no effort with each other throughout the year..... Seemingly think that they should just magically push everything under the carpet and pretend all is fine.... and ignore the white elephant in the room if you will..

People wait until the holiday season is over to end relationships, they " keep it together for Christmas" and in turn spend their festive season  future faking it with their unsuspecting partner..

..see what I mean … nuts ... bonkers ..crazy

Anyhoo so..

I find myself sitting at a cafe in town today.. plus minus 5 days to Christmas, randomly sharing a table with four guys,  who lets just call them dick, wank , Gary and speedy.

We are, chatting over a coffee and one of them happens to mentions that his girlfriend has just broken up with him.

Instantly I ramble off  “well  on the flip side it’s a great time of the year to be single…"with a frown on his face he sternly says “ no not really..”

Trailing along with the randomness of the day, I start to dwell on this one day out of the 354 other days in a year, or should I say (festive season) that seemingly puts ALOT of pressure on couples, singletons ,friends, and family members…pressure to reconcile, forgive, make nice, tolerate , blah blah…blah ..blegh..

and it leaves me at a firm..

COME ONE GUYS…it’s on day of the year, can we just keep that in mind, so that we can assist our perspective radar  to keep functioning…instead of malfunctioning.

I get it,  it’s a special time of the year, and whom you spend it with is important and special  but let’s not forget : you are someone too:, and spending time with yourself is not an indicator of failing, not being loved or some sign of being doomed as an individual.

My advice for the newly singletons this festive season is a simple one.

MAKE PLANS! :)   Spend time alone, have some R&R,  catch up with friends you haven’t scene in a while, go out, look fab, drink , talk smack and go home!

Your single now, not banished to a world of doom and gloom, if you’re going to let someone who choose to leave your fabulous ass , be the reason that your festivities are ruined then.

1.     You’re making it about them. Make it about you -Take your power back.

2.    Stop ruining your own Christmas and remember

3.    It’s YOUR holiday season- set it on fire!

Then for those Divas  and Divos who have just broken up a few months ago from a long term relationship, and will be spending their first Christmas "Uncoupled"…be mindful that it’s the season of nostalgia…

then remember that nostalgia coupled with vino..champers and ciders..is a deadly mix

So drunk dialling, or wondering how our Ex is doing, or whether or not you should send a Christmas sms ” or an sms just to pop in and say hi…”….  Or a call to catch up…

is normal and likely…

but please 


 Don’t…..  

Just seek attention somewhere else.

One day out of the year is not magically going to change the reasons why you broke up in the first place, or magically have changed the   person that you left behind...

One day out of the year is not a sudden reason you should make contact,…

Remember,that when having dated for so long we build traditions and habits with our partners at the time,  so listen carefully... 

you’re not missing the person, your mourning\missing the habit or familiarity if you will.( you guessed it ..nostalgia!!!).

In the same breathe it also doesn’t mean you get  to allow them to contact you…pop back into your life,catch up.. or say hi...

 Don’t be that person who got lonely during the festive season and landed up having a holiday fling with good old faithful…..that's just not cute. (never mind progressive towards your healing and how far you have already come.)

Then ...Married couples out their…if your family is split up these holidays or simply don't get along with each other... and you cant decide witch partners family members to spend the festive seasons with ,

1.find a compromise that makes you both happy, or 

2. If you cant then, spend the day together as a family ( i.e you, your wife and kids ) and see the other families  members on the 26^th – it is family day after all.

 

Lastly for those estranged family members whom you may have conflict with , remember its just December, choose to open the lines of communication, or chose to keep them closed,

chose to have that tough conversation or choose not to, what ever your choice be mindful of it,

If your open those lines of communication - do it fully,  if  you  don't... that OK to, just 

Don't  have any guilt for choosing to stick to your boundaries , we teach people how to treat us, and how we want to be treated, and that includes family. 

Enjoy the festivities, embrace the spaces you find yourself in, wipe your slate clean for 2013, do something nice for a stranger, whatever it is you choose and wherever it is you find yourself, make sure its exactly where you want to be and with whom you want it to be .

Like i said earlier, its YOUR holiday season, no one gets to take that from you so

set it on fire!

Happy Holidays!