StilettoRambler

Hold Onto Your Balls Ladies and Gents ….Doormats Aren’t Cute...Desperate aint Hot!

I get irritated by people who talk the talk but don’t realize that they aren’t walking the walk, opinionated “strong women and Men”   that talk a big game…but land up playing the reserve\supper sub in their relationship.

It’s a common phenomenon that I have come across…   I call it the “doormat phenomena "

 it’s the most common plague in relationships country wide….. This is when people especially women in relationships ,but not withstanding men… start to put their journeys on the back burner…..  they see their friends less, push there families, hobbies and social lives on the back  back burner, neatly  up there in the closet with the size 34 skinny jeans and sparkly tops they use to wear  when they had lives and before the frog in disguise arrived on their door step.

Don’t get me wrong you don’t have to be the “single- uncompromising -party-hard- person” that you use to be, but you are entitled to be an equal party and remain that way in your relationship..but let’s face it:

 you can only do that if

1. You really know yourself,

2. Actually believe what you  preach and,

 3. Practice what you preach…..

It’s really not worth it if you simply talk a big game because it makes you sound fearless and fierce …

If you’re” authentic-boundary knowing-mutually fulfilling- relationship preacher -self “dissipates into thin air the moment that, that face book status changes it means that you cannot really hold your own in a relationship.

 On top of that it communicates to your "the other " you actually have now self –respect for yourself, highlighting the holes in your self and handing over the power to the dragon you may have started seeing in search for the princess…or that frog…

Stop devaluing yourself, you are not that desperate (full stop) , they aren’t the last fish in the sea …  and your also not that sad…. believe me- you really aren’t … you have made it thus far and I promise you , you can look after yourself.... YOU CAN LOOK AFTER YOURSELF besides,

Doormats aren’t sexy, or handsome, doormats just land up getting less.- less respect from their partner and friends, less date nights , less commitment ,  just less…

Pathetic isn’t pretty…

The crazy bit  for me that is , is that alot of the times we think that by putting our needs, friends , families and interest on a back burner. for the sake of the new found “we” …

We are telling our partners that we love them, or that we are in love with them, that we are committed to the relationship, and that they are the most important thing in our lives and we would do anything for them…

they aren’t  the most important thing  and what you  are actually saying is:

·         My life isn’t important, trust me, I hustle all day to keep my head above water, run the rat race, sacrifice but it not that important , trust me  its worth abandoning  my interest ,family and friends and I don’t love myself that much…are you kidding!

·         I am an easy sell, I would bargain myself off in heart beat ,  sell my sole to the devil sure thing…does it mean I will have someone to lay next to at night, or get a valentines gift from… totally  then why not  i mean

     The me…

     The me.....

  The one that I have known now since the beginning ....since birth …….that person isn’t worth SH*t

I would sell her\him off to you anytime …. Yeah you…….. the person i have ONLY just met  OR  know for a few months or a year ....in a heartbeat sweety!

·         It’s easy for me, to be taken advantage off- I mean I just met you and look what I am willing to sacrifice in the name of love….friends????????  Who needs them… family….its only blood right? 

Oh and the extra 10 kgs why not? After all you say I look sexy .. that all that matters right?

 WRONG….

·         I don't love myself… hell all those other interesting things I use to do before you was just for kicks….it made for good cocktail conversation and  it made it seem that I am not uninteresting ..and sad then lasty

·         Abuse me.

Here is the deal, unless someone is adding value to your ALREADY established life, they aren’t welcome, and sure as hell don’t get to have a say, start banking on yourself please.

 like I said the ocean is vast and deep…. YOU will manage ….take  your heart into your own hands, stand up for real care love and respect,  don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk it, rather then spend the time on yourself ,

Or just don’t preach want  YOU don’t practice..

Your thoughts?