StilettoRambler

Second chances...attempt 2.11 …..getting back together….Third times a charm… or is it..?

 

 

Recently, someone that I threw out of my life some time ago….returned, asked for forgiveness and wants us to start our relationship over again…truth be told and lets not lie this wouldn’t be a second chance….. More like the 8^th, 9th or 10^th chance.

The reason I called it quits, was due to the fact that my boundaries were crossed,  my feelings were being miss -used and mistreated, and  I was not being treated with the care, trust and respect that i deserved....so i booted the mufo and went on with my life...

Sad to admit, and with a shamefully grin, I had pathetically….. Forgiven and forgotten more than what was considered kosher…but the idea keeps lingering there in the background...and its as if i have magically forgotten the ass-behaviour that i was subjected to over and over again,

Its like i forgot the pain of the humiliation, the countless nights of swearing that i would never!!! .....strangely enough  my selective amnesia was winning the memory Battle and all i could think about was ....well " people change ..why not give it a try?"

Frustratingly enough the more i tried convincing myself that it reconciling wouldn't be  that bad...another feeling started to naggggggg me.. more of a question then a feeling?

The question?

 why...? why... and why... ... was I even considering chance number 2.11….?!?

Am i one of those people that will continually allow and forgive ass- behaviour... am  i truly the type to fall Victim to the pleas and apologies...?, has my hindsight completely lost its vision?

Needless to say:

Que.... the return of the internal battle:

Me: Did you not break up\or end that relationship for a reason?

Myself: YES i did, they crossed the line… I decided to choose myself.

Me: Soooooo what now…you miss them?.. they have changed? ...things are different?

Myself: Yes .....I kind off  miss them....…I mean we had some really good times together..

Me: You had some really shitty times toooo.....

Myself: I know…. but people change, and this time they seemed really sincere in their apology. And they said they would work harder ....

Me: HAHAHAHA, sorry myself, I don’t mean to laugh at you .......but your committing Relationship Insanity….pathetic!.... Have you forgotten what lessons we learnt…about reconsidering...

Myself: *sigh*.... remind me…

Me: Well there are the right reasons and then their are the  wrong reasons to consider reconciling or giving them ...chance number 2.11:

1. Hurt feelings?: If you for a second feel that the magnitude of your  hurt and pain -are some indication  that you should maybe go back and reconsider---- i urge you not to, dont be blinded by the hurt.. going back wont make it go away.. remember their was a reason you cut the ties..
2. Denial?: If you havent yet really dealt with the loss, and now your unresolved feelings are pushing you in  a direction in an attempt to find closure.... sleep on it some more...
3.  or.....
4. Lazyiness? : If the idea of having to start all over again with someone new-gives you the creeps...then you are reconsidering for the wrong reasons...

 Myself: CRAP....so what are you trying to say...

Me: Well honey, if thus is only the real second time you are reconsidering, then i would encourage you to take the leap of faith..buttttttttt. if this is the 2.11th,  time i am afraid to say your just undervaluing yourself...and more importantly ...lying to yourself.

Giving people a second chance, or willing to try again, must never be affected by reasons such as...its to hard to start all over...or they seem very sincere in their apology...neither should it mean you have to change your ways to make sure that their behaviour doesn't get repeated...

Up until the day you can be sure, they know what it was in their behaviour that hurt you , and are consciously making an effort to change their ways and live a better life....not for you , or on your

Your thoughts?