YOUR INTENTIONS DON’T MATTER!

Your intentions whether to cause harm, or not do not matter at all, your actions speak much louder in any event.

How often have you come across a situation where someone has said, or acted in a negative way towards you? basically defined in my terms   as “not having your best interest at heart”... only to use the ‘” intention excuse “ in the end of it all?

You then as most people would,approach and confron the culprit about their recent dodgy behaviour.. only for them to  sheepishly drop the biggest cop out line for the mileniums to come;  

“it was never  my intention ...to alert , share your secret, to hurt, upset etc you”

well I call BS on intentions, cause they don’t  really matter, due to the fact that the actions have spoken louder in any event.

whether or not  a friend, lover or partner acts or does something intentionally is not important, unless more often than none their behaviour is of an offensive kind  and subsequently forms part of a body of evidence,

 that suggests that  they  do not have your  best interest at heart,  you can then  be assured that they do not have the integrity, conscientiousness and level of personal responsibility that could ever add up as part of any relationship, never mind a  healthy mutual one.

So to all of you out there that have been , the target of maliciousness or the collateral damage of an unavailable man..deception or betrayl of any kind  today's lesson\ and ugly truth is short but important  one,.

 A mutually beneficial relationship, is one based on care, respect and trust to mention a few

AND When All is said and done, its not about whether there intent was malicious or not , as the result of it will speak for  it selves, so intentions not matter, don’t waste your time, allowing them to become a valid excuses for dodgy behaviour.

StilettoRambler

Your Thoughts?

 

Girlfriends...Lies in the City.

Sitting at a popular bar in town one night, and people watching (as i soo love to do) found me zoning into a group of "girlfriends" dressed to the nines and sipping on cocktails..it was like i was an extra on the set of sex and the city..

don't get me wrong, its always lovely to see friends enjoying each others company, but it got me thinking about this  "girlfriends" phenomena..that sprung out in the late 80\90's

wait..hear me out.,

One of the great things about TV is that, well, it’s not real life. Otherwise, some days it may not be called Sex and the City but Depressed, Lonely, Crying and scarfing down a box of cookies in the City.

Even a die-hard sex in the city fan like me, has had to come to terms with the fact that, I’m not Carrie.

If you’re reading this: you’re not Carrie. Yes, I know you love writing, stilettos, cigarettes, wine and you’ve got your very own Mr. Big, but nevertheless, you’re not Carrie, and maybe that’s a good thing. .

Of course, the real reason why Sex and the City has managed to conquer every girl’s heart (isn’t the shoes or the cocktails  and mostly the focus of this very insert)...

It’s the friendships...

 The idea of having 3 or 4,super-close girlfriends and the token eccentric gay best friend to spend your Saturdays with,  is ever-appealing to chatty ladies like ourselves.

The only hitch, and the reason for my rant ,  is that in real life, when BFFs grow up and marry their BFs, they may have less and less time for Saturday brunches and impromptu shopping trip,.or nights out on the town-

In reality married friends have babies, and what you hear more often then none is, " I am so tired" and i wish i could join, but unfortunately i cant..so no..No Cosmopolitans there.

In real life your girlfriends cant come running with vodka and cookies in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon to discuss whether your latest date has mommy issues.

In real life, girlfriends, have girlfriends and who they are to you, can be gravely mistaken relationally, as to who you are to them.

more often than none, in  real life these girlfriends  get turned into  surrogate siblings or family witch brings me to a sad reality check .

Shows like these have scripted the ultimate  girlfriends -relationship -fairy tales,  for the fun, fearless females out there.

And today, i am calling the BS ladies, the truth of the matter is that your relationships with your girlfriends, are exactly the same as any other relationship.

Meaning they have boundaries, they are governed by values and norms, and most importantly should thrive off a basis of mutual respect.

To often i have witnessed, unforgivable behaviour within these setups under the guise of its "super- tight -ness"

Things like:

• Bullying of each other tends to thrive in these,
• Unhealthy competition,
• the birth of frenemies,
• inter - relational cliques,
• back stabbing etc

My point is, the same as the one in the post relationship fairytales  but with a slight twist,Those of you that are lucky enough to have these kind friendships in your lives,cherish them.

Those who don't, or are compromising their emotional health to be part of a group, get out.

The road to true happiness is paved with knowing your boundaries and understanding your self worth, dont let that get lost in cocktail dresses, cosmos and red lipstick.

Your thoughts?
StilettoRambler

Relationship Thieves: FORGET YOU or better yet SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

This weekend i found myself sitting pretty in a church attending a wedding, but to my surprise, found myself smack in the middle of a message, that well lets just say, was hoping to find me there and hoping i would share.
 
The message of the day, to the soon to be wedded couple was to watch out for relationship thieves as they go about their new journey together as newly weds.
 
Relationship thieves,.... are detractors hiding in plane sight.
 
The speaker went on to talk about how these thieves live in all aspects of relationships, for the long term committed couple staring matrimony in the eye, these thieves come in the form of excuses like:
 
1. "when the times is right"
2 " when we have saved enough money  for a wedding , or a house,
3. Or when the right job arrives, and you can  then be settled..
 
For  already married couples they hide behind:
 
1. "having  a baby"
2. "not having time for each other"
3.  House chores or  simply being tired from work or worse
4.. Expecting that due to that fact that they are married, things should just flow seamlessly"
 
What was further highlighted was that these thieves sole purpose is to steal from the health and the wealth of  the relationship.
 
That true relational health does not reside, in the house your planning on buying, the busy work schedules you have, or the fact that there is never time.
 
True relational health and wealth, is determined by the quality of the time spent with your partner.
The glass of wine at the end of the evening, the Saturday morning hike up the mountain, sharing dinner on a table away from the TV.
 
 and Basically doing the things that you use to enjoy doing with each other, when you first met, and the world throwing tantrums and screaming from the top of her  lungs couldn't stop you from wanting to be with,or spend time with each other.
 
He went on to say that, building a life on what you expect should lead to happiness, like the house, kids, car and paycheck, will eventually leave you stranded in a glass castle with a stranger that  once upon a time was referred to as your partner.

Life is life, time is always being competed for,  and real life relationships, weather romantic or platonic aren't  a one and a half hour long Hollywood script.

But with knowledge comes awareness, so be mindful of the relationship thieves in your life.

Recognise them, stare them in the eye, tell them to shut the front door and choose to protect  your relationships health and wealth.

Your Thoughts?
StilettoRambler.
 
 

 

Toxic Girl \Boy Syndrome? - PsychoBitches\ A$$HOLES
and those who suffer from it.

"You text, You  talk, You have sex. S\he withdraws, comes back and blames you for ignoring them, or using them, you apologise. Start the dance all over again and before you know it You text, You talk, You have sex and s\he withdraws.

OR

S\he tells you to stay out of their life, yet finds ways of bringing drama into yours.
Constantly seeks your attention, but continuously tells you that they hate the day you walked into their life's.

The emotion vampires, that suck all the positive energy out of you and yours, breaks up and makes up with you , more  often than the minutes in a day, yet still convinces you that the bond you have with them is special and without you in their life's, the world would simply be dark.

I call this disease the toxic girl\guy syndrome, and the cause the "god complex", the fetishes for the broken winged man and women has been coming to my attention of late.

I have come to meet the
Emotional terrorist:The person that's just a tiny bit more sensitive than the situation requires, whose manipulative nature holds you “hostage” to each and every one of their whims ,They have a  tendency to go from 0 to 100.. putting you under constant pressure, and making you look like the sad "whipped" version of yourself.

Then I have met the:

The flirt:They make you take the oath of celibacy,and spend the entire evening flirting with everything that has a pair of legs, leaving you to spend most of your waking hours wondering if their sleeping with every person they come across, and then to put icing on the cake, gives you the side eye when you stand up to take a call...and treat you like the horn dog...then when it all hits the fan, they break down and explain to you, that they have an intense care for you, and the thought of sharing you drives them crazy..

And then off course, my favourite:

The you "complete me" : Mr\Misses i need you, Mr\ Miss  co-dependent.

It has come to my attention that men and women, are quite fond of the idea, and quite quickly fall prey to someone , who makes them feel that the sun shines out of there...
this need, and co- dependency angle that they use on there prey, seems to pack quite a manipulative punch.

strange and wonderful as it is,  i often wonder if the need for their happiness, peace of mind, physical or mental stimulation, being constantly tied to their partners, doesn't  just causes resentment?

Don't miss understand me, I get the flattery aspect of it, but don't you sometimes wonder, if it has anything to do with you as a person?

haven't  you ever thought that they may just be emotional bottom feeders? hosts? that are more worried about what needs their specimen can fulfil, as opposed to the specimen themselves?

doesn't it just bother you that, the feelings they have for you don’t have much to do with who you are as a person?

I sometimes wonder if people out there involved in relationships with others,are even aware that they may be suffering from toxic syndrome..or do, do they now how to get out of the cycle?

here is my advice, stop wasting your time, emotional well being and sanity.

StilettoRambler

LIFE LESSON - Unconditional Love.

Betrayal: A journey through Empathy:"

 

 

 

 

Have you ever spent a day with betrayal?

Held her quivering hand, without rushing to judge her .....or try to understand her?

Have you ever sat in her darkness, the centre of her sorrow, and wonder what her light aches for?
 
Ever stared at her...Just mesmerised...as she reveals her hearts true longing?

Have you ever lain in the icy bosom of betrayal?

And simply basked in it?
Without moving, to hide it, fade it. Or fix it.

 

Have you ever danced with her wildness? Fell in lust with her mysterious intrusion,
Without cautioning yourself to be careful or realistic,
 But allowing her, and yourself to disappoint others…
for a moment, with your own truth?
 
Ever wonder, if betrayal forgave love for forgetting her?
Or ,what the promise of love means to her?

Have you realized that forever her tears will fall on uncaring eyes,

 

Eyes.. that will never understand, "that daggers in their hearts", "lying" "cheating" and taking things for granted, is nothing more than her nature. …Her part.

Ever sat with her as she explains that love is made of light and dark, and that without her, you  simply can’t appreciate the other part?

Ever shared the burdens of the secrets, that love makes her keep…

or simply hold her hand and walk with her through judgements deep unforgiving seas.

 

All the way nurturing her need for darkness….But still loving her fiercely , and accepting that she will forever  be a poisoned rose.
Doomed to be lonely,
Because no man,  has ever dared cradle her in their hearts."stilettorambler"


Sometimes in live good people do bad things.
and as i have always said, that... however ,
doesn't make them a bad person.

Think before you act. Empathize before you judge.

StilettoRambler
inspired by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Stop Being  A Pu$$Y! : Rather the Devil you Know, then

 the Devil you don’t?! -B.S

“Going into the unknown is how you expand what is known”

I once made the wrong decisions, in one of the chapters of my life novel, because I read the following line in a book “its unbearable to stay, but impossible to leave” and this line soon became a belief that fed my many many fears ,

 I was scared I wouldn’t love again so... I stayed, survive without a number of people so.. I compromised, get another awesome job so ....I sold  my soul , make new  friends… so I swallowed the old ones treatment or lack there off,... but oddly enough here I am thriving, dancing, working and loving.

However , The point of my post is that, my beliefs were keeping me firmly planted in the bosom of the devils that I knew,  the ones that “ metaphorically, were keeping me bathed, fed and  safe aka“ happy”.

The only problem however was that  I  was living in a vicious cycle of fear, panic attacks, darkness, crying fits and  a general feeling dread and feeling “stuck” ... my beliefs were killing me softly,  i was stuck

Stuck in a world that I had  CREATED MYSELF AND HAD MANAGED TO convinced myself was  “in the “ ABSOLUTE PURSUE OF HAPPIINES”....authentic

EVEN, THOUGH IT FELT. “Unbearable to stay,  AND impossible to leave. OR scary to change and crippling to try”

 I then stumbled onto a book called the: gift of fear and soon realized,

 I was being a Pu$$y..full stop.

It enlightened me to the lesson of fear, that fears are emotional reactions, perceived as threats, emotional reactions that stem from beliefs that you make up, and deem to be TRUE.

After reading what fear is, and what causes these intense crippling emotions, the book broke it down to me with a " swirft realness" about what fear REALLY is. What its actual role is and what it really stands for :

 F. E .A.R –  turns out to be -,False Evidence Appearing Real,

 did it hit like a brick?  Yes. did it make sense?  - Yes. did it confirm that i was being a wuss? - hells Yes

 It then went off to say that if your fearing it, it’s not  really happening,so calm the f down, cause if it was happening, you would be too busy DEALING with it , then fretting about it. ( read that again) ( again) and one more time).

So ..Here is the ugly, moral of my story

 Change your beliefs,  change your life,  NOW - Right now! It’s time you stopped being a f#cking pussy.

·         not everything you belief is true,

·         Not challenging your beliefs will without a doubt make your fears a reality .

·         If you think you are trying BULL, trying is not  doing,  trying is not change. and if you aren’t  changing them, your lying to yourself.

So just stop, Dare the devil you don’t know – challenge the beliefs that are holding you back! i.e.:

·         I won’t get a better job.

·         It’s too hard to leave.

·         No one will ever truly love me.

·         I am a product of my past

·         Bad things always happen to me.

·         If I don’t do this, my friends won’t like me.

·          To keep his love, I must give up this and or that.

·         I cant love , cause I am from an abusive home

·         I cant trust , cause I always get screwed over

·         Men are all the same

·         Blah blah blah

Instead

·         Scare yourself a little bit every day

·         Change your outlook and beliefs – change  your life- re- write your script

·         Take a leap of faith on yourself.

·         Focus on what is actually happening and not what your delusional brain is feeding you, especially if you find yourself staying, and still completely suffering.

Cause the devil you do know, also knows you toooo well, and will continue to cripple you.

 

Seriously though, is there really anything to be afraid off?

Your thoughts

Stilettorambler

 

 

  Disclaimer- the use of Pussy in the statement, is used purely cause it gets my point across, I disagree with the saying , because  of its“ gender connotation.”

The Dark Lady..

"

Pretty women.... wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
but when I start to tell them, they think I'm telling lies.

I say, It’s in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips"

I walk into a room ,Just as cool as you please, and to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me, a hive of honey bees

Men themselves have wondered, what they see in me.They try so much but they can't touch
my inner mystery." Maya Angelou

"Your dispossaable cause the last time you came close to mystery and or intruige it was in the 50 shades books, instead of the scent you were suppose to be wearing.-stiletto rambler"

 

In my opinion, there is nothing more irresistible to a man, than the mystery of a women, her intruige is by far, her biggest weapon in the game that is love and war, yet as i have come to realize its the weapon that is used the least.

Ladies, Laaadies Ladies! "(SMH)

Nothing peeves me off more, than having to overhear or be part of a conversation with a bunch of men, and hear them talk about "how quickly the fling, they had with you ended.. Due to you being a 5 page long open book.

How like a short story you have now been "shelved in his library", acquired, paged through, read. UNDERSTOOD, MANIPULATED and that all you are now is a lost puppy that follows him around town..

Have we now become pamphlets?.. Are we now short stories for men to scan over?

Stories. Quickly...summarize and digested, or is it that we feel it our plight plight to "clue" them up on" US".... do the work of knowing.. us for them..

Have we lost so much touch with our feminity, with the concept of being courted, that we now in a matter of months spill all our beans,as if we just met them at a speed dating function?

When will it hit home , that no matter what your age , you are a well written novel with chapters, YES CHAPTERS! WITH MANY PAGES, a faint lingering scent, accompanied by delicate pages that need to be caressed and handled with care..... When will you realize that your vajajay is golden. and like a well written novel, as opposed to a pamphlet, or twitter page summary, you are complex. You carry surprising twists, are filled with mysteries on hidden pages and deserve to be read slooooooowly...

I for one am obssesed with my mystery, with my inturige, they are my two best friends

I love my mystery, i call her my dark lady, i love spending time with her, staying tuned in to her, she is the curl of my lips, and the stride of my hips, ..That makes him linger..

She is the swing in my waist, and the arch in my back,

She is the stare in my eye that makes him realize, that i am a puzzle that will take some time,

She is in my stride, and why in a crowd i need only whisper.

She is my dark passenger,

The one that for months will give you nothing but crumbs,

My point is really

Your intiruige,

Your mystery...

" Your Dark Lady"-

Find her,

and never leave home

without her...

Stilettorambler

WHO ARE YOU TO ME...?  WHO AM I TO YOU?

It is both by design and nature that the brain will go out of its way to heal any disturbances that it may come across within the physical body.

If you have a cut, it starts the process of creating new skin, if your bone cracks or breaks; it jumps into the process of re-constructing it.

The living body’s(brain) optimal performance state for thriving consist of interconnected pieces that function as a whole, and thus it is always striving to be complete, therefore constantly repairing itself or its host.

For me the emotional brain is exactly the same, (also known as your heart self and or soul.)

however unlike the rational brain, the emotional brain is slightly handicapped, in that it does not own the power of regeneration, it can only heal through attraction – or relation.

This brings me to, relationships (of all kinds) and why it’s important to always love and live mindfully of them- or conscious.

Unless you grew up in a cave and have not been exposed to life and all its hurdles, you like many of us, are walking around with a broken “emotional brain” therefore EVERY single relationship you have is an attempt, for your emotional brain to fix itself and become whole.

With that said,

“The people  that you draw to yourself are there to reflect another part of yourself, back to you. As such, each relationship in our lives gives us the opportunity to accept, heal and love another part of ourselves.”

If you believe that you are not worthy of love, or that you are better single than in a relationship, or if you are constantly attracting “broken “people.. Whom  need fixing, then you will in turn attract people whom will not treat you as worthy, and whose emotional baggage (drama), or lack of self- love, you now also have to take on…all this emotional turmoil that you put yourself through daily, all the fights, heartache and misunderstandings is nothing more than  an attempt to heal.

Now all is fair and well with that, its the reason sayings such as " what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" was invented, its why hind sight has 20\20 vision,  and as I have said people are journeys on the road to  self love and  self discovery,

But this post is aimed to plant the seed of mindfulness ….

be  mindful  of the people in your life and their purpose on your journey,

be  mindful of the fact that if you do attract your healing situation or relationship, (and you’re not mindful of why this relationship is in your life, accept it without question and sleepwalk through it. and you thus don’t use it to heal the part of your broken emotional brain, then you will forever find yourself in a vicious cycle of terrible relationships.

And the road to true authentic love and happiness will be nothing but cold and winding.

So I challenge you today,take a second , sit back and have an audit of the friendships and relationships in your life and ask “who are you to me” “ why are you here?” what is the lesson?” or simply “ what am I trying to heal? “

 The growth and lessons from paying attention to your behaviour and relational patterns are ten fold!,

 if  that is , you actually take a minute, recognise the emotional wound that you are trying to heal, whether it be abandonment, trust, fidelity, or self esteem issues, accept it as such and journey through it.

 

The payoff?

 

Well you will find yourself forgetting about how you feel, and you will start steering your ship towards what you deserve.

 

StilettoRambler.