StilettoRambler

 Your Pain Pattern ...is chosen  by you ..Break Yourself free from  YOUR OWN Masochistic behaviour  (NEED TO ABUSE YOURSELF) and become happier.







How deep is your masochistic tendencies? ...(How much discomfort causes you comfort...?)

and what level of Masochicist are you dating?...(what level makes him comfortable) 

Masochism - The tendency to derive pleasure, especially  sexual gratification, from ones own pain or humiliation.....

Someone who is masochistic is someone who enjoys their own suffering, pain, abuse, humiliation, or domination.

If you are a masochinist, you like being in pain or being abused, looking for fights, control and make life harder for yourself..

When i first came across this term, it blew my mind!!!!!  ( I  was like i am not like that, who in the world would want to cause them selves unnecessary pain, why would i seek love that results in abuse, rejection and pain..that is insane....)

then i took a long walk thru my previous relationships and red flags popped up every where...

so needless to say, finding out that some of us out there's level of comfort is discomfort...especially in relations and relationships...boggled me..

So i dug deeper , over the years read a psych book here and there and ....

Basically, it all stems back to our childhoods and how you\we leaned to love....

if  you grew up  learning to feel comfy with only a certain level of love you will always seek that level, ...hear me again... if  you grew up  learning to feel comfy with only a certain level of love you will always seek that level.. takes being creatures of habits... to other heights

Lets say  you grew up used to eighty percent happiness. Or only forty percent happiness, this is what you will always be comfortable with....basically a week without a fight will have you anxious if that is what you grew up with..

 When this concentration shifts—even if it’s upwards—you will then start to feel anxiously ...because this new zone doesn't feel familiar.....

As a result you might instinctively want to do something self-sabotaging, so you can shift your happiness concentration back down, to your familiar zone.... think about it..

"Thats deep"

Anyway

 i must admit i have seen it often,  just as your relationship is doing well, things are nice.... depending on whose masochistic nature is the highest , someone will try and EFFFFFFF it up..consciously or subconsciously


Why you asking???....

well , sadly our brains have  been washed  and smeared with dirty images of what love and relationship are - we have been taught love languages of (Shouting, Hitting, ignoring, sulking ,  swearing ...silent treatment,  withholding nookie etc) .

And due to  this conditioning we more often then none will seek out sub par love behaviours even if your relationship is doing  great! -

 now its hard to recognise these patterns of  pain that we put ourselves thru, but as you know i am a big advocate of " those who know better should do better" so from now on when you recognise that you are running a masochistic pattern  remember this:

1.

• You are not your past
• You are not how others have treated you (mom, dad, uncle or lover)
• You are not your past behaviour
• This is your chance to have the relationship you want
• This is your time to write your love story
• YOU ARE ONLY WHO YOU ARE.... RIGHT NOW .....AND YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR BEHAVIOUR PATTERN.

2.Understand that masochism is a psychological problem that affects a person's ability to have equal and balanced relationships due to a need to place themselves in a painful victimised position. (read more on the behaviour so you can recognise it yourself and your partner)

3.Figure out how to remove yourself from the role of punisher or dominant member of the relationship.

4. Allow the masochist to make their own decisions and reinsert the person's willpower back into their lives.

5. Be vigilant about not falling into manipulations by the masochist and tell them that you will no longer participate in their masochistic tendencies

But mosLy, break your own pain pattern, spend time with happy couples and start to see what "normal and "happy" love is, understand that you may have triggers of past pain, take the spiritual journey and lessons.

And rewrite your love script- You Know in your heart what you deserve never settle for less.

Your Thoughts ?