StilettoRambler

Your Dignity has an ON button trust me….

 

 

For the last few weeks, I have been helping a friend deal with her break up, not really how I would like to, but these days whatsapp and facebook are the new ways of connecting,

 As I have said before ..break ups arrant easy, but they are also not impossible to get through, firstly your relationship is what broke, not you- and secondly if its not mutually fulfilling anymore it isnt worth the time.

But being that they are a part of life I decided to delve deeper into what it is about this lose, that sends our dignity out the window…?

To often, I have seen people just straight up act a fool to get the attention of someone who simply just isnt that into them anymore..fool acting behaviour like:

·         Drunk and dialing-(confessing never endng love after to many jagermeisters )

·         Or sending sms’s to stay in touch

·         Writing emails to fix things

·         Tyring to rock up where they are in attempt to be noticed by them or validated

·         Or the mother of all evils – staying on as his\her friend

You get my point,  fool acting behaviour…anyway so after some emails and texting, and then some reflecting it hit me-Rountine…Routine… more often than none rountine adds fuel to the fire of pain.

what I have come to relaize within this journey with her and apon refeclting , is that its not so much the pain off losing the person, but the breaking of the habit.. that is hard.

It is a fact that couples fall into routines, and when the ship breaks, it is that very lack of routine that  feuls the fire of the heartache…

Its is the simple, mundane gestures and actions such as  early morning calls, good night sms’s, or the lazy Saterday\Sunday hangouts that take you straight to pain central..

 These mundane activites  seem to be causing more damage then, the annual valentines day , or sporatic wedding invitation to the now newly single vixen.

These same mundane gestures\routines, are the root of , drunken dials, random sms’s and breaking the no contact rule.

I am by no means undervaluing the feelings you may have for your new lost love,that is understanable, my  issue lies in that, for some reason many of us use them as an excuse to send  ex’s sms’s or emails about how much we miss them,  or how tough it is for us to cope without them around and how things are falling apart-my advice…….. stop..

Trust me sending them scripts on how much your are suffering and where things went wrong and how things couldve been better- inorder to help them to “see” yourside of the story, or maybe see your pain and reconsider…………………….. is nothing more than a sad attempt to validate your value to someone who clearly no longer sees it.

Remember the ship is broken, you are not- valdation is only needed from you to yourself.

So here is the deal, fill the spaces left behind with things you have always wanted to do, if saterday was game day, it now becomes brunch and shopping with the girls day, if you have an overwhelimg need to talk to someone call a friend,

 

feelings may be irrrational, and they cannot just be switched on and off but  Your Digninity sure as hell has a ON button- and its never to late to flip that switch!.

Your thoughts?