StilettoRambler

Playing house…without sharing the mortgage…  “Living in sin” and other thoughts on “moving in together”

A couple of my email followers have posed the same question to me lately, asking me, “What my views were on moving in together”  in this post I would like to address playing house…

 This new phenomena has really grown in the last few years, more and more couples have started to live  the married  life, before the ring....going as far as growing up entire households without ever really signing the dreaded contract,
The piece of paper that seemingly suddenly changes everything in a relationship..The infamous marriage contract…..

once upon a time,  by the time a coupled moved in together, it was usually after their honeymoon,  or a few months before their wedding…however these days people tend to cohabitate as early as three months into their courting …daydreaming together about the bogus future they may have together..

Fuelled by myths such as, everybody is doing it, or cohabiting couples will eventually marry, or their marriage will last longer …due to the fact that they have tested the waters…hogwash! 

 I mean at face value i can see the benefits....., you get to share grocery costs, there is a warm body in bed every night,  you get to spend more time together, and  your space is filled and it SEEMS like your life is moving on swiftly …..

Well if you ask my honest opinion I would tell you that:

it is a petty, shady waste of my emotional capacity… pretending to have a future with me…(you read correctly  PRETENDING ).

 Its  playing with my perceptions , its deceptive, it creates expectations that may never realise and its occupying the best years of my “single” life and ultimately  leaving me with more baggage the day we split, and a lot more assets sharing then I would have liked, since at the time (“ we were buying ourselves a.. TV, microwave etc)

frankly  speaking playing house without the intention of signing the contract , is you allowing someone else to get the cake and eat it too,

up until the day you have had the conversation about your intentions for your future together aka .. on whether or not you intend to marry me :

·         Your tooth brush is not welcome in the bathroom.

·         Your sports posters can find a lamp post for all I care

·         Your socks on the lounge floor aren’t welcome.

·         Its not our dog, its yours..feed it yourself in your yard

·         “What’s for dinner tonight”- has nothing to do with me.

·         And your laundry is your issue.

It happens to often where couples move in together, living the bogus pretend future, then their habits and attitudes start to change towards each other and the relationship lands up ending..

 in the meantime you have beautifully starred and perfected the role of future “wife” and  you have never really gotten the time to discover what you like, or what your personal space would reflect…why we are skipping these valuable steps for  relationship growth are beyond me!

Unfortunately girlfriends playing wife aren’t Wives ………….they are girlfriends staring in a role….. a rle mind you that may never materialise,

take the time, own your own pad, grow your own interests, live on your own for a while, you can always visit each other, set up play dates and allow your relationship to grow at  its own pace, in the end its your choice to cohabitate or not too, but I implore you to have the conversation ….and know the truth cause lets be honest

“if a someone  told you that they have no intention on dating you, and that you were merely  just going to be a shag for a few weeks with some texts, emails and a lunch thrown in….you wouldn’t stick around...this is no different .

The ugly truth here is that you are simply saying that you don’t value yourself enough to be pursued with dignity and grace, instead you will spend you twenties and thirties playing house, allowing someone to drag you along without ever having the intention of committing to you,

Don’t give me the rubbish argument about testing out the waters and seeing if you could live together when you’re married..

lets face it ...if you put all the right things in place, like loving yourself, knowing your values, establishing your boundaries and filtering the frogs from the princes, you shouldn’t then suddenly when you get married, land up with a complete sloth that has never washed a cup in his life, folded a shirt or cooked an egg.

Your thoughts?