30 and Fake Friends

“At first I thought I was losing friends, and then I realized I was being shown who the real ones are”

“Oh you’re talking to me? I thought you only spoke behind my back”

The term friendship for me has a very heavy weight behind it, but I have come to realize that in this new day and age it has become quite a cheap and lose term in words, but oddly enough not in expectation.

The mutual relationship between friends has become quite cheap, evident in an age when you’ve got people who have hundreds of friends on Facebook and barely two friends to rub together in real life come crises, a much needed chat or a shoulder to lean on.

We refer to people who we don’t know very well as “friends” but then have expectations of these people as if we have known them for years.

We call our meaningful overnight relationships “A friend”

We mistake being “friends” on Facebook as being the same as in real life.

In my warped world it takes effort, time and experience for friendship to grow, people who like your updates aren’t all friends they might just be supporters.

 People that abuse you; attack your character, attack you in public and don’t stand up for you when you are not around are not your friends.

People who stab you in the back aren’t friends either. But that should go without saying

This ramble today is not about the obvious things that warrant fake friends, like gossip, back stabbing etc.

This ramble is about the “wolves on Friendship Street”, the ones in sheep skin; whom for all intensive purposes, look, smell act and have convinced you that they are a friend but indeed are not.

A friend; you know - a person that has your best interest at heart and is a willing partner in a mutually fulfilling relationship. A friend a person, who checks up on you, calls you on your BS, makes time for you outside of their convenience, doesn’t  take it personally when your too busy ,and schedules a next time, A friends you aches at your loses and celebrates your victories regardless of time, space or distance, invites you to celebrate in there victories, baby showers, birthdays , promotions, weddings etc.

What seems to be failing me is that people don’t seem to realize friendship like love needs action, trust, time and is work made visible.

 This post is about calling out those that are coasting under the umbrella of “ friendship”

I am not too sure about the complexities of male relationships but female relationships are very complex and if you find yourself in your thirties or headed to your thirties and there are still some dodgy situation- ships you call a “friendship” then it’s time for you to get honest and audit your “friendships”

which; brings me to being thirty and having fake friends...

In the quest for a genuine authentic life that is filled with love and light and before you reach the tender age of thirty or if you are past thirty but are still the owner of some ratchet “friends” it’s time to clean out the closet and throw away the junk because you deserve better.

For crying out load it’s hard enough just dealing with intimate relationships in life should we really still cater to people whom are drilling holes in our boats?

I have for a very long time been a firm believer that although our romantic partners are of utmost importance to us and on a whole other relational sphere, that unfortunately (and I get in trouble for this a lot) your friendships are more permanent than your intimate relationships, purely for the fact that a relationship is fickle at best and can end in a break up faster than a friendship can , never mind that very often we carry our friendships onto the next relationship.

So how do I take the blinders off and identify people that don’t deserve to be in my circle of trust?

Herewith a few Exit signs to use as guidelines:

1.The stench of resentment :

 “It takes a special kind of person to be a hater, but only a true loser will give the impression of being your friend while resenting every progress/success in your life.”

Trust your gut the moment that you get the slightest indication that your successes are a thorn in your “friends” side – leave, book out!

“If they cannot truly celebrate in your joys then they are not your Friends “pay attention eventually they will shoot the following line at you or the look implying the line – “oh so you think cause your educated, promoted, married, etc. your better than us\me” that’s your Exit sign

2.Liars.

 Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me three times – why are you still on the list of people whose calls I return? –Exit sign

3.Chameleon tendencies:   

 This one is a little tougher and more heart-breaking, but it’s important for you to identify what role you are fulfilling in someone’s life  (comfort, distraction, fun, financial, )and you will then realize if your friendship is fake or not.

 For instance if you are the party friend, as in always invited to a crazy night out, but you don’t get invited for a normal easy Saturday – Fake

 When they are attached to your hip during a break up but ditch you when the rebound or new love has arrived - Fake

When they make up excuses for not being able to see you but “land up” going to another party that same night - Fake (there is no instance where in the event things have changed they cannot update you and invite you along, or at least extend the invite.)

When they want to share in your pain, but wont allow you to share in theirs - Fake

When they compete with you - Fake

When your the victim of Jeoulsy - Fake

When your friendship only suits their chameleon tendencies drop that shift like a hot potato cause if your rearing to thirty or your past thirty and these energy drainers still share your inner circle of trust you are only abusing yourself and aint nobody got time for that.

Know who your friends, Know who your supporters are, know who has your back, Know who has your respect, know who is worth your time, know whos fun friend you are, know who is an aquaintence , be aware of the levels and tiers  and understand that all of them are different and not all are necessarily friends then adjust your expectations accordingly.

Don’t be  hurt, or get caught in the web of 30andfakefriends because you deserve better.

Your thoughts?

Stilettorambler

BEWARE OF THE SURROGATE BOYFRIEND SYNDORME  -The aftermaths of  a break up that we don’t notice.

 

 

Too often, I see women devastated by their dating experiences. Despite their best efforts, men never treat them the way they deserve to be treated.

The brave ones leave, those that are steadfast and have made bigger commitments stay and fight.

My post today is for the brave ones, who have left the comfort of a not so prefect relationship and are willing to take a shot at new love.

Firstly , I know that building your self-esteem and self- respect as a women and investing in yourself is hard enough as it is, but it is also an on-going process.

However what gets my panties in a complete knot and makes me livid!Is the self – defeating behaviour that ladies suddenly revert back to during the time spent mourning the loss and healing from the pain of a break up.

Yes break ups are hard – trust. And yes healing is work. But we are women.  We can do many things at once.

The reason for today’s rant is a simply to act as a reminder to anyone out there who may be victims of the surrogate boyfriend syndrome and are not aware of it.

it’s one thing  that I have noticed falls wayside in the midst of the storm that is the healing process.

Listen up,

Re- discovering the self, does not have to happen at the cost of lowering the self‘s worth.

I repeat myself;

Re- discovering the self, does not have to happen at the cost of lowering the self‘s worth.

The only thing that has changed is that you are no longer in a couple. Nothing else.

You are still beautiful, you are still worth the effort, you are still strong, you still have power, your needs still matter and your wants are still important.

Taking BS from anyone is no longer allowed, nevermind the men\women we meet during our healing.

It’s been proven that during a relationship women are more hell bent on asserting themselves to their partners, sharing their needs, revaluating their needs, reinforcing their boundaries - all the things that keep the SELF well balanced.

When experiencing a break up however, it seems to rewire them, because now they are spending so much time trying to heal, that they seem to have a temporary drop in  their standards of self and self-worth , this is usaully  evident by the resurfacing self- defeating behaviours; -  most  often bought on by the new Mr Now. =surrogate boyfriend syndrome

All of sudden crumbs are enough or accepted - where you see women setteling for whatever form of attention and time they can get from  Mr Now.

Suddenly  their boundaries disappear, standards are shaky....  and you will find that he now gets to control, manipulate or even more frustrating -   upset or misuse their already bleeding heart.

And before you they know it they are a victim suffering from surrogate boyfriend syndrome

Forget the fact that you have done the work on yourself, forget the fact that you built your confidence and self-esteem to a point of happiness, NOo instead..

let’s let Mr Temporary Boyfriend- Booty call – Distraction,  make us sad, needy, wanting, insecure fools.

In my opinion you’re committing a crime- you are now a grown up women and no longer the girl that left the relationship.

in my oppinioin girls put up with Bull Shift, women don’t, and if you can see yourself in this post today, it’s time to refocus the journey on you ,  your needs and wants and your strength and your growth .

You didn’t come this far to sell your self-worth for instant gratification and a quick distraction.

Remember that healing is a process and that i goes in steps, know that a male companion is fine here and there but dont forget that Re- discovering the self, does not have to happen at the cost of lowering the self‘s worth.

change it today.

StilettoRambler

Be your own “HELL and High Water”

 

 

 If your job sucks, set up an exit plan and leave it.

There is no great grand purpose to life, there is only to love, live and learn, teach and empower.

 Happiness is not an illusion, what is an illusion is the idea that happiness is some tangible thing or destination or, that one needs to be happy in order to have happiness

If nobody cares about you or loves you, then care about and love yourself, do what you need to do; to feel love and care.

Instead of trying to find love, give it, be it, approach it,  simply put - show up for yourself and stop being a constant complaining, wallowing joy sucking Eve or Adam.

 It's really just grating my highly grateful soul.

There comes a day in everyone’s life where we realize that this world,  is not one for the faint hearted,seriously shift happens very quickly, life changes in a new York minute and before you know it, or by the time you notice it, it’s been three months and all you have spent your precious time doing is feeling sorry for yourself.

I have seen and heard quite a bit of what I deem - mediocre complaints about life, love, work and living,  and I know that we are all familiar with these mantras or at some point in our life’s have been joy sucking Eve’s or Adams.

•           “My work sucks- I am so miserable…”,

•           “There is just not enough money”- I will never have the life I want”

•           “Opportunities are lacking”,

•           “I can’t deal!”,

•           “it’s all too hard!, “

•           “People suck! “ 

•           “I see no purpose…L”

•           “Nobody cares or loves me L”

•           “What’s the point of it all” 

•           “I will never find love”

•           “Happiness is an illusion”

Sound familiar? got one or two in your life? maybe these are "mirror man" statements?

Hear me out quickly; here is what I have to say - to you ..today.

Understand that I do this for the friend that’s too polite.For the husband that’s really trying to stay positive. For people every day that are carrying your constant negativity as their burden of love for you. For your mirror man.

 “PLEASE DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND  OVER YOURSELF -

 SO DAM WHAT, BETTER YET;

“Would you like some tea with your pity party or maybe some cookies?

Now this might be harsh, but if you are a fully functioning human being with an average life, body intact and  of average health, with a roof over your head and a healthy functioning brain; and some semblance of people to call friends , then you have no reason to be a constant complaining, wallowing joy sucking Eve or Adam.

What I require from you in exchange for all the joy sucking..

Is to take a long looong hard honest look in the mirror , and then I want you to choose ( yes chooooose) to  pick your butt  up off from the floor and own up to no one else but yourself.

Listen don't misunderstand me , there is nothing wrong with an off day or a few off  days, everyone needs time to take stock of themselves ; pick themselves up and then move on. 

 But the constant complaining, wallowing joy sucking Eve’s and Adams….. Just grate my highly grateful soul.

Is it really ever that bad?  No seriously is it? Is it?

There is a scene in season 1 of the fixer where Olivia Pope’s dad rips her a fresh one ( youtube it)

In this scene he tells her that “she will get on a plane come hell or high water, that plane representing the end of her problems, him being that hell and high water”

That scene changed my life.

I immediately went and employed my hell and high water emotion solider, to join anger, sadness, joy and the rest of the crew.

And decided that day; that

I will beat Anger - come hell or high water- it will not control me, my actions , decisions or my life

I will stand up to sadness come hell or high water – it will not cripple me or steal my sunshine.

But most importantly no matter what is happening  I WILL show up for MYSELF, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER… ME BEING MY OWN HELL OR HIGH WATER.

Don’t you think it’s time you do the same?

StilettoRambler

 

 

 

Love Revolution vs love Revitalization -THE CHANGE BEGINS WITH YOU

I am currently reading a book called the love revolution, unlike the title ,it has very little to do with relationships witch was my initial impression, but has more to do with how poverty stricken the world is and in order to change all the worlds current alignments, love and revolution are the key fundamentals to the change ...or a love revolution.

The concept of a love revolution however.. got my mind playing around with the idea of a revolution in general, can one have a revolution in your love life? or current relationship? or even a revolution of the self... ?

This sudden fascination with the concept sent me into  a researching frenzy on what a revolution means?! and what it entails… hours and weeks even months of research later and being more clued in ...I thought..

Wouldn’t it be brilliant , if people applied the theory of a revolution to themselves? or even their relationships?

Endless articles later I realized  that there are tons of information on revitalizing love, and oneself but I wasn't interested in the idea of going on a retreat with your loved one , or a dinner date or taking yourself for a spa date, or reading a self-help book or even attending a seminar.... this is not so much revolutionizing!

So what's a Revolution?

A revolution is a sudden.  Complete . Profound change in the way people live or work, it is a significant change that usually occurs suddenly, with the aim of changing the way things were before. sudden... complete.. profound.

A Revolution focuses on personal behaviour. It is not just a call to action; it is a call to being…. being the person who goes out of their way to encourage CHANGE, ignite change, or inspire change.

Change for a situation that is  out of hope;  being the one  in your current situation who is willing to do something for nothing more than bettering ,or turning a situation around.

Now I ask again, would that not be brilliant for the self or for a relationship? ... the idea to decide today to rally all the troops inside you and venture out on a LOVE REVOLUTION?

Revolutions require martyrs, or hero’s.. people who will go to the ends of earth for love to reign, for change , for bettering a current situation....this means choosing to be the one person in your life or love life to spark new hope, ignite old passion and inspire a mutually beneficial way forward.

If you are sitting today and you have realized that its time to fight against things that have become so wrong in your life or relationship, that they should no longer be!

Things that were once small ,that have now  become SO big, but are none the less  STILL wrong OR at least  must be made small again then ….

 A revolution, or complete turnaround, a LOVE revolution may be  EXACTLY  what you need, this may be what is needed  if you want  to see some of the tragic injustices in your relationship or heart or life -  go away

We all know that relationships can be a gift and a curse, in that one moment , the relationship world is your oyster, filled with countless romantic possibilities,  and then suddenly within the blink of an eye ,you and your significant other are floating in a desert like abyss, with not  an oasis in sight for your relationship to drink from, things are dull, uncomfortable, wrapped in anger and resentment , coupled with constant knit picking and giant pretty EXIT signs around every corner of your thoughts.

We are all aware that our lives could have been going on a great path, we are working on ourselves, we are choosing to be better, we are doing the work to piece the puzzles back together and then suddenly we get comfortable, and before we know it we are busy with things or people or mind-sets that don't serve our growth or happiness.  

That being said..This post isn’t just a call to action; it’s a call to being . . . choosing today to being the person in your current situation to become the agent of change.

Choosing to help a friend instead of walk away, to forgive a loved one instead of harbouring resentment, choosing to apologize even if you did no harm, choosing to own the pain that you may  have helped  to create.

 Most importantly though choosing to  be the person who chooses to practice uncompromising acts of kindness! all in plight of revolutionizing the status quo.

I repeat myself choosing to practice UNCOMPROMISNG ACTS OF KINDNESS.

 

So How do I start practicing a love revolution?

Well according to research, a revolution requires a few fundamental things:

1.Know your goal – Decide today that you want change, that you want a healthy relationship or  a fulfilling life. Think long and think hard, as this is a decision of the heart, and if a love revolution  is what you have decided on TODAY,  then be HELL BENT on having a good attitude in making it work- hear me when I say HELL BENT – as in  come hell or high water- you being the  hell and the high water!
 
2.Work towards the change – A love revolution must be dedicated to making things better.
I have come to realize that talking is not expensive, nor does it require much effort, but real love is costly.

o   It will cost you time,

o    it will cost you money,

o   it will cost you your EGO,

o    It will mean having to forgive,
      -yourself for doing things that do not serve your growth.
      -forgive your partner for all their wrongs

 

Whatever you can do, is worth doing, no matter how small, a coffee, an errand, a note, a gift  a text, going for a walk, eating healthy, quitting bad habits .. ( and by that i also mean people ) or simply choosing not to be angry anymore, choosing to break the cycle- MAKING THINGS BETTER.
 
3.Respect - Treat each other right ,treat yourself right  – do what is right no matter what forget that they should’ve done this ....and should’ve done that... and don’t do enough of this.....and don’t do enough of that..... treat each other right because of RESPECT- full stop.

 

4.Focus on the Revolution\cause - Forget about yourself for a minute, ( if in a relationship) you’re always going to be there for yourself…a  revolutions need a hero and a hero is someone who chooses to make a place better for all.

The change begins with you. Choose the Love Revolution.

StilettoRambler.

Things aren’t the way  it use to be in the beginning of  our relationship.

 

I am always struck by how the simplest realizations in life or comments from strangers can be the most profound.

Someone says something so simple to you, and suddenly you find yourself nodding profusely as if to acknowledge the light bulb that just blew in your head, never mind just having switched on.

Today I want to delve into “things not being the same way they used to be in the beginning of a relationship.

It’s absolutely frightening to think about the incessant need and endless fights that couples and friends have because things are not currently or remotely the same way they used to be.

How many people do you know whom have stayed in relationships for years based on things from the first few days, weeks, months, or the first year of them knowing eachother?

I have witnessed some of the deepest and strongest bonds between people, as well as some of the weakest relationships weather countless amounts of fights and back lashing at each other.

I have seen women and men seeping in DAYS\MONTHS of disappointments , scarier even for me is when i see people allowing their boundaries to be broken and at the extreme end  swallow mild to moderate forms of abuse because of “ how great the honey moon phase \beginning of the relationship used to be ”  and how desperately they want to get back there.

I've seen couples finding a hundred different creative ways to recapture those feelings of bliss that came with the begininggof their relationships ..you know the slew of dates nights, role play, time apart, hotel rooms , expensive getaways ..

It often makes me wonder why?......... what are the true intentions of this mission to recapture the honey moon phase..

 Are we searching for that newness because ,we miss the person that we were at that time? 

Are we still buying into Hollywood fairy tales of happy endings?

Or is the reality of the current state of your relationship so rotten and disappointing that it’s easier to grasp onto the past instead of dealing with the present?

The ugly truth for me is a simple one. We cannot base our decisions to stay, fight or salvage a sinking ship based on how great  the beginning of it USE TO BE, its delusional and its lazy and selfish, yes selfish , why?  Because, it serves your growth as person no purpose. It serves your relationship no purpose and it makes the other party a prisoner of something that no longer exists and is impossible to recapture.

If you give two cents about your happiness and current relationship standing then do us all a favour and let go!

·         Let go of the boy he used to be.

·         Let go of the girl you used to be.

·         Let go of the friend that she was, and see the one she is now.

·         Let go of the things you used to do, and focus on what you do now, but mostly let go of the expectations that you mentally noted down during that honey moon phase of how things should be ..

 

Understand that you have changed, understand the people you were three months ago are gone, but recognise that that couple 3 months earlier,   have left you a foundation to further build on.

 Focus on the newness of today, in both of you and in your relationship; celebrate who you are now, for crying out loud we can’t spend an entire relationship at the beginning so that we don’t have to deal with reality that things are far less than perfect.

Your thoughts ?

StilettoRambler

YOUR INTENTIONS DON’T MATTER!

Your intentions whether to cause harm, or not do not matter at all, your actions speak much louder in any event.

How often have you come across a situation where someone has said, or acted in a negative way towards you? basically defined in my terms   as “not having your best interest at heart”... only to use the ‘” intention excuse “ in the end of it all?

You then as most people would,approach and confron the culprit about their recent dodgy behaviour.. only for them to  sheepishly drop the biggest cop out line for the mileniums to come;  

“it was never  my intention ...to alert , share your secret, to hurt, upset etc you”

well I call BS on intentions, cause they don’t  really matter, due to the fact that the actions have spoken louder in any event.

whether or not  a friend, lover or partner acts or does something intentionally is not important, unless more often than none their behaviour is of an offensive kind  and subsequently forms part of a body of evidence,

 that suggests that  they  do not have your  best interest at heart,  you can then  be assured that they do not have the integrity, conscientiousness and level of personal responsibility that could ever add up as part of any relationship, never mind a  healthy mutual one.

So to all of you out there that have been , the target of maliciousness or the collateral damage of an unavailable man..deception or betrayl of any kind  today's lesson\ and ugly truth is short but important  one,.

 A mutually beneficial relationship, is one based on care, respect and trust to mention a few

AND When All is said and done, its not about whether there intent was malicious or not , as the result of it will speak for  it selves, so intentions not matter, don’t waste your time, allowing them to become a valid excuses for dodgy behaviour.

StilettoRambler

Your Thoughts?

 

Girlfriends...Lies in the City.

Sitting at a popular bar in town one night, and people watching (as i soo love to do) found me zoning into a group of "girlfriends" dressed to the nines and sipping on cocktails..it was like i was an extra on the set of sex and the city..

don't get me wrong, its always lovely to see friends enjoying each others company, but it got me thinking about this  "girlfriends" phenomena..that sprung out in the late 80\90's

wait..hear me out.,

One of the great things about TV is that, well, it’s not real life. Otherwise, some days it may not be called Sex and the City but Depressed, Lonely, Crying and scarfing down a box of cookies in the City.

Even a die-hard sex in the city fan like me, has had to come to terms with the fact that, I’m not Carrie.

If you’re reading this: you’re not Carrie. Yes, I know you love writing, stilettos, cigarettes, wine and you’ve got your very own Mr. Big, but nevertheless, you’re not Carrie, and maybe that’s a good thing. .

Of course, the real reason why Sex and the City has managed to conquer every girl’s heart (isn’t the shoes or the cocktails  and mostly the focus of this very insert)...

It’s the friendships...

 The idea of having 3 or 4,super-close girlfriends and the token eccentric gay best friend to spend your Saturdays with,  is ever-appealing to chatty ladies like ourselves.

The only hitch, and the reason for my rant ,  is that in real life, when BFFs grow up and marry their BFs, they may have less and less time for Saturday brunches and impromptu shopping trip,.or nights out on the town-

In reality married friends have babies, and what you hear more often then none is, " I am so tired" and i wish i could join, but unfortunately i cant..so no..No Cosmopolitans there.

In real life your girlfriends cant come running with vodka and cookies in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon to discuss whether your latest date has mommy issues.

In real life, girlfriends, have girlfriends and who they are to you, can be gravely mistaken relationally, as to who you are to them.

more often than none, in  real life these girlfriends  get turned into  surrogate siblings or family witch brings me to a sad reality check .

Shows like these have scripted the ultimate  girlfriends -relationship -fairy tales,  for the fun, fearless females out there.

And today, i am calling the BS ladies, the truth of the matter is that your relationships with your girlfriends, are exactly the same as any other relationship.

Meaning they have boundaries, they are governed by values and norms, and most importantly should thrive off a basis of mutual respect.

To often i have witnessed, unforgivable behaviour within these setups under the guise of its "super- tight -ness"

Things like:

• Bullying of each other tends to thrive in these,
• Unhealthy competition,
• the birth of frenemies,
• inter - relational cliques,
• back stabbing etc

My point is, the same as the one in the post relationship fairytales  but with a slight twist,Those of you that are lucky enough to have these kind friendships in your lives,cherish them.

Those who don't, or are compromising their emotional health to be part of a group, get out.

The road to true happiness is paved with knowing your boundaries and understanding your self worth, dont let that get lost in cocktail dresses, cosmos and red lipstick.

Your thoughts?
StilettoRambler

Relationship Thieves: FORGET YOU or better yet SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

This weekend i found myself sitting pretty in a church attending a wedding, but to my surprise, found myself smack in the middle of a message, that well lets just say, was hoping to find me there and hoping i would share.
 
The message of the day, to the soon to be wedded couple was to watch out for relationship thieves as they go about their new journey together as newly weds.
 
Relationship thieves,.... are detractors hiding in plane sight.
 
The speaker went on to talk about how these thieves live in all aspects of relationships, for the long term committed couple staring matrimony in the eye, these thieves come in the form of excuses like:
 
1. "when the times is right"
2 " when we have saved enough money  for a wedding , or a house,
3. Or when the right job arrives, and you can  then be settled..
 
For  already married couples they hide behind:
 
1. "having  a baby"
2. "not having time for each other"
3.  House chores or  simply being tired from work or worse
4.. Expecting that due to that fact that they are married, things should just flow seamlessly"
 
What was further highlighted was that these thieves sole purpose is to steal from the health and the wealth of  the relationship.
 
That true relational health does not reside, in the house your planning on buying, the busy work schedules you have, or the fact that there is never time.
 
True relational health and wealth, is determined by the quality of the time spent with your partner.
The glass of wine at the end of the evening, the Saturday morning hike up the mountain, sharing dinner on a table away from the TV.
 
 and Basically doing the things that you use to enjoy doing with each other, when you first met, and the world throwing tantrums and screaming from the top of her  lungs couldn't stop you from wanting to be with,or spend time with each other.
 
He went on to say that, building a life on what you expect should lead to happiness, like the house, kids, car and paycheck, will eventually leave you stranded in a glass castle with a stranger that  once upon a time was referred to as your partner.

Life is life, time is always being competed for,  and real life relationships, weather romantic or platonic aren't  a one and a half hour long Hollywood script.

But with knowledge comes awareness, so be mindful of the relationship thieves in your life.

Recognise them, stare them in the eye, tell them to shut the front door and choose to protect  your relationships health and wealth.

Your Thoughts?
StilettoRambler.
 
 

 

Toxic Girl \Boy Syndrome? - PsychoBitches\ A$$HOLES
and those who suffer from it.

"You text, You  talk, You have sex. S\he withdraws, comes back and blames you for ignoring them, or using them, you apologise. Start the dance all over again and before you know it You text, You talk, You have sex and s\he withdraws.

OR

S\he tells you to stay out of their life, yet finds ways of bringing drama into yours.
Constantly seeks your attention, but continuously tells you that they hate the day you walked into their life's.

The emotion vampires, that suck all the positive energy out of you and yours, breaks up and makes up with you , more  often than the minutes in a day, yet still convinces you that the bond you have with them is special and without you in their life's, the world would simply be dark.

I call this disease the toxic girl\guy syndrome, and the cause the "god complex", the fetishes for the broken winged man and women has been coming to my attention of late.

I have come to meet the
Emotional terrorist:The person that's just a tiny bit more sensitive than the situation requires, whose manipulative nature holds you “hostage” to each and every one of their whims ,They have a  tendency to go from 0 to 100.. putting you under constant pressure, and making you look like the sad "whipped" version of yourself.

Then I have met the:

The flirt:They make you take the oath of celibacy,and spend the entire evening flirting with everything that has a pair of legs, leaving you to spend most of your waking hours wondering if their sleeping with every person they come across, and then to put icing on the cake, gives you the side eye when you stand up to take a call...and treat you like the horn dog...then when it all hits the fan, they break down and explain to you, that they have an intense care for you, and the thought of sharing you drives them crazy..

And then off course, my favourite:

The you "complete me" : Mr\Misses i need you, Mr\ Miss  co-dependent.

It has come to my attention that men and women, are quite fond of the idea, and quite quickly fall prey to someone , who makes them feel that the sun shines out of there...
this need, and co- dependency angle that they use on there prey, seems to pack quite a manipulative punch.

strange and wonderful as it is,  i often wonder if the need for their happiness, peace of mind, physical or mental stimulation, being constantly tied to their partners, doesn't  just causes resentment?

Don't miss understand me, I get the flattery aspect of it, but don't you sometimes wonder, if it has anything to do with you as a person?

haven't  you ever thought that they may just be emotional bottom feeders? hosts? that are more worried about what needs their specimen can fulfil, as opposed to the specimen themselves?

doesn't it just bother you that, the feelings they have for you don’t have much to do with who you are as a person?

I sometimes wonder if people out there involved in relationships with others,are even aware that they may be suffering from toxic syndrome..or do, do they now how to get out of the cycle?

here is my advice, stop wasting your time, emotional well being and sanity.

StilettoRambler