PROGRESS...not ......PERFECTION



If you know better, you are almost obligated to do better ..one step at a time, one behaviour change at a time-stilettomantra.

I am all for educating the self (reading), improving  the self ( tackling those things about yourself that you could improve on), standing up for yourself ( Knowing your boundaries, living your boundaries and Fluffing the rest), up there too is loving yourself  ( your need to be "that" into yourself... full stop )

I also generally believe that people are perfection in  function and in form, but due  to factors out of our own controll , our nature and our nurture we are not necessary the best versions of ourselves.

That is why it is important to practise patience, allow people to make mistakes, share a pearl of wisdom where you can , and support those whom  are in repair , witch if you ask me its almost everybody.

But nothing eerks me more than when people have learnt there lessons or  ( in my words "know better") but do absolute JACK - to do better...

you know what i mean:

• Continually lying to yourself ,then Wondering where you went wrong....
• Cutting trees for houses and then wanting to change global warming into a phenomena
• Picking the same versions of different @$$holes and Biatches to date , and still wondering why you will never find the right mutually fulfilling relationship.
• Jumping into rebound relationships with all your baggage, then instead of trying to heal your wounds, YOU use the person as a heat break hotel, and then when you are strong enough  to leave them...you land up with a needy person making your life hell....and then you wonder why?!?!? you always land up in these situations. 
• Accepting second citizen behaviour,
• Allowing people to use you as a punching bag.

Its quite simple, we are all in progress i get that ,but for Pete's sake, enough is enough stand up for yourself if you have been pushed down too often, break the cycle of rebound relationships, and using people, recognise if someone is stepping on your boundaries, challenge yourself to be real to yourself.

 Do better ! if you know better! .

your thoughts?

You Are Just NOT "that" That in to....YOURSELF

"Love your self without condition-unconditionally!!!!!!! every time, all the time and no matter what!"-stilletomantra

Here's the deal, or more directly my issue with us ,as people, we only have about 90 years on this earth if we are blessed, yet almost everyday we put our self - health second.

Many of us would like to believe that we love ourselves , this on the basis that we consider ourselves respected by our peers, friends and loved ones, we are good at our jobs, intelligent  and or attractive ,but those are all just superficial barometers, for me you can tell how a person feels about themselves by the people they date, associate with and the situations in witch they find themselves in.

And many of us i am afraid to say have NO self love what so ever, never mind respect for themselves - you now what i mean - self love :

" TREATING AND REGARDING YOURSELF  AS A PERSON OF VALUE...

believing that your living breathing ass is worthwhile! GOOD ENOUGH....

We spend countless valuable hours looking for confirmation that we are worthy of love, respect and decent treatment simply because deeply WE don't believe that we are-t----he stupidity goes further get this,....we fight with others to feel what we don't! think about that one ---we fight fully bull headily we others to feel something that we don't -  i am sure you have seen it heard ... "you will not speak to me that way! " yet we talk to ourselves that way " i don't think i can do this, i don't think i deserve a better relationship,  i don't think i am worthy of him'"

Well i think its time you call the bullsh!t on your self, do us all a favour ,pull the brakes on demeaning yourself get a freaking clue of your value and start to love yourself, no one can do it for you hence the word SELF- love- SELF- esteem , SELF- truth.

• No............ your not my mother or father - i decide whats good enough for me, thank you kindly for your opinion on my attitude, social life, friends i can promise you its heard but not at all considered, only I can make those decisions for myself.
• Calling me up at 12pm in the evening for a quick rumble in the jungle is love for your selfish self and not for me! so thanks BUT hell no..
• Only seeing me when it suits you , is not on either
• Keeping your wife and wanting  to have me too- honey..............Hit the road , go find a glue and i will say a prayer for your wife to love herself more too.
• Not treating me as in equal in our relationship - makes me a co -pilot of my life and not the driver - so bugger off, unless this is a mutually  fulfilling relationship your waisting my time.
• I am entitled to the that raise,
• I can  buy myself those shoes.
• I will go socialise with my friends ...yes again
• I don't have to be with  you, if it doesn't serve my self- health , my life will not end cause you decided to leave,
• You don't have to regulate what time i came in last night- have a clock for that thanks.
• You must be smoking something if your trying insinuate that every hour of the day needs to be dedicated to you and your needs and your wants.
• I am sorry you don't have love for yourself and therefore i need to eject myself out of this situation cause i simply don't have the time to be your mother , shrink ,  OR  punching bag. I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER, TAKE YOUR ISSUES WITH YOURSELF ELSE WHERE.
•  Your lack of trust is not my issue it yours-
• Your insecurity issues  (aka - Jealously, or better yet - the reason i am being such a douche bag is cause i just love you SO much and i don't  want anyone else to steal you from me or occupy our time") SORRY firstly that is complete BS , there is the door please leave the keys and don't let it hit you on the way out.
• I can wear what i like-
• My body is a temple- hit my once.... shame on me.... , hit my twice good luck to you....

Our "self's" are they only ones that we have, our journeys in life may have taught us negative self believes but I challenge you  as off today , with  every aspect of your life  honour you , value you  and fight for your SELF.

No one on this earth will give you what you deserve ....

Your Thoughts?



Your Opinion is heard, but not considered....Deal with it.

Have you ever had a situation  where you ask someones opinion on something....listen diligently nod, oh and ah, then the moment you walk away from them you toss it out the window and do what your head wants too?

this happens quite often with parents, friends, family and other loved ones, they give you their opinion on what they think is best for you and then , when you don't take it, they get mad? ...........................no?

someone must have had that before...

if  you haven't, your lucky .. BUT and this a very happy majority BUT...

If you have, then you have probably come across phrases  like "i told you so" OR " why don't you ever listen to me" or my favourite  "man your stubborn, pigheaded, selfish etc ..."

Well here is the catch, here is the line we should start  our sentences with , if we practised true authenticity .. then when we venture into these conversations..they should ideally sound something like this :

(listen  xyz i need to talk to you about something, but please bear in mind that YOUR OPINION IS HEARD , BUT NOT CONSIDERED .)

why you ask...?

cause its true ,my point being....my rambles aim is this.. stop asking people, wasting their time, in the aid of hearng your own voice and then  not doing it...reliving the drama and then wondering why your life is a mess...

to be quite honest, i can promise you if you start the conversation that way , it will save us all loads of time, we wont have to pretend we are listening, wont have to pretend we care, matter of fact  we wont even have to go to bed , see you the next day still in the same rut and have to  think aaah shame....or better yet "listen you know the advice you gave me last night....."

It doesn't matter what i think , i am going to repeat this , IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT I THINK , you don't really care,  truth be told, and no offence...

We all know  your going to follow your head  in the end.

your thoughts?

Authenticity -Living from the core of whom you are....the soul made visible?... OR just a bunch of BULL !!


Authenticity....to be authentic.... to be 100%  the real you, i once read a book in witch one of the chapters were dedicated to authenticity.

I was struck by the notion of being exactly who i am....seems easier right? "living my truth " and by so doing..... allowing my light to shine , and in turn allowing others to let theirs ...

So i  decided to go on a self improvement voyage, pack my bags , ethos in hand and  a road ahead filled with my real wants , thoughts feelings and needs.....i decided  to practise authenticity!, for the last three years ..... and my ramble today asks the question:

"Do you really want to know the real me? "

No, really before you answer the question , think for a second....if you really want to know who people really are..? do you think your friendship, relationship  OR set of values could handle the  "real" them?

My question being , because in the last three years i can safely, attest to the fact that most of us simply just don't, we think we do, but we really don't...

Reason being simply because, we don't even really want to know our own truths.....our own selves , the man in the mirror if i  must.....never mind the souls in our realm....seriously lets just admit -

Authenticity is hard...facades are easy...

its too hard to realize that in actual fact you don't really care as much as you should.
its too hard to realize that you aren't as disciplined or ambitious as you think you are.
its too hard to realize that  your life is a lie and that,had you been true to your self earlier...you would have :

•  Ended that relationship years ago,
•  Broke up with those friends lifetimes ago,
• Let go of people that make you an option to there lives.
• Studied what you wanted.
• Not support friends and colleges in rotten relationships.
•  Married whom you wanted.
• Divorced when you should've
• Told the truth more, and lie less
• Confronted more,
• Quit your job sooner...

You get the gist ....

You would never enter into a relationship, that was based on a lie, (you know how people try and betray their best selves in the beginning of a relationship ) then spend three months trying to hide the real them- next time STUFF your best self show your real self.

It would be hard to realize that your freak factor (what makes you unique) is actually your ticket to success,
and not all the other junk that we get conditioned to think -( junk like hard work, determination and perseverance)  are all LIES!  DIRTY CHEAP ...lies ... the most successful people have banked on their freak factor.

So in conclusion i dare you to try an authentic day...but please make sure you are ready ...for your real 100% genuine leather self.

Your thoughts?

Know your Boundaries , Live your Boundaries FCUK the rest!!

I am so tired of committing to doing things, that i  simply don't want to do.... you get those who commit and then nag when they are there, and then you get those you simply just half ass it aka ..me..

Seriously guys if not now?..... then when?????, i need to start incorporating the red light on my life, and the green light on my dreams.

How often do we not , as fello peops commit to friends... when we are dead tired,
Agree to  tighter deadlines when we barely have any time for the extended ones...
Agree to a date night when we simply want to lay in....

sacrifice our time for someone elses's agenda?

PUT more on our plate then we can eat.. juggle more balls then are necessary and for what i wonder......is my hard work going to help  ME achieve the societal dream of an overworked , over stressed on medication population...or is my hard work going to work for ME!

the point of my ramble is that from this day on i am going to put my foot down , incorporate the shoe police and simply not move my feet if i don't want to!

• No i don't care if its been ages, i am tired.
• I don't care if you are in town for only a few days...i had plans,
• I don't care if you want a night in, i have worked hard, and i would like to unwind,
• No i don't care that you only have time on Wednesday, i had time on Monday.
• I don't want to study that course its not in my dream line...
• I don't have to acknowledge your presence- i don't like you,
• I don't have to put on a smile- its been a crappy day,
• I am not going to argue about non-sensicle twaddle,
• So what if i don't watch the news- its to depressing
• Yes i didn't reply your email, - i didn't want to..

There is only one thing in this world that I MUST - and that is die... untill that day

I simply don't care.....

I can only know my  boundaries and live them to the  best  of my ability...If you cant respect that...there is the door.

your thoughts?