StilettoRambler

Claim You’re Mommy and Daddy Issues- It’s not your job to FIX each other.

Definition:

Daddy Issues:

Mommy issues:

  "Are defined as when a boy who was overly indulged and overly mothered as a child may find himself looking for that same type of attention and “motherly love” as an adult.  As a man, he may be drawn to women who are reminiscent of Mom.  Likewise, if he did not receive enough love from Mom, again he may go looking for a woman who can fit the role of lover and mother as an adult."

So the scene is set, you’re dating each other for a few months now, the rose tinted glasses are fading from a bloody red to a cooler salmon, You know her likes, dislikes and ways…. favourite colours and flowers, you’ve seen his place ,met his friends, played playstation together and partied the night away.

You have done the dates, movies and the official announcement signified by the hand holding in public along with all this- your face book statues has officially been changed to ‘in a relationship”  things should be running smoothly--- but suddenly….

 Her quirks irritate you -----that sweet giggle is now an annoying grunt!, and his seemingly cute boy habits are now more irritating than banging drums after a hangover…

You start to nitpick on each other, these quirks once cute are now unbearable habits that need mending….

little tiffs have more weight, you start attacking the very thing that attracted you in the first place , the result ?  .....is you  feeling less loved,  you feeling not good enough cause you are suddenly under attack----- your partying ways have now turned into you having a  drinking problem, your shoe fetish is now money wasting and his boys nights give you a sigh of relief-the socks on the floors now represent disrespect etc

Sound familiar?....good, not however its the start of relationship suicide:

I am not a believer in showing your best self when you meet someone new, :

·         I am not impressed by people who try to date each other while projecting there “best images”

·         I am not impressed by men who shower women with gifts and compliments in the beginning and then suddenly it dissipates...

·          I am not impressed with women who meet men dolled up to the nines and only expose there make – up free faces or uncombed tresses in month 6-8 or so.

When it comes to dating or a potential future with a man or women, I am a firm believer that you need to show the whole you, the entire self -the good the bad and the ugly.

I have had many situations where I meet suitors, and the first thing I tell them upon establishing interest  is that,  there is

 nothing nice about me.... 

or  sweet for that matter of fact…I am not  a nice person, I am selfish, my best interest are my first priority, it’s all about my queendom.

 My first love is me- safely and without a doubt , then my family,  then my friends, I am not perfect either don’t get me wrong-  I simply have standards , and believe I need to be loved with mutual respect for me and my independent self, coupled up with my family and friends and quirks------------- it is a non- negotiable.

Well as you can imagine as first dates and random flirts go the response I always get is:

 “That’s great, I have a lot of respect for independent strong women who can look after themselves   and   don’t take nonsense. Women who know what they want … “

Months later, upon actually having an encounter with the not -nice -self –loving- independent-women , who puts herself, friends and family first- suitors seem surprised ……..and to me it’s entirely gob smacking....

Honey i laid my terms and conditions down from the get go...did you forget ??or was the real me not really your priority at that moment? 

So I reiterate  it again, I don’t believe that in the game of love, smoke and mirrors, make up and lies, best feet first and the lot are good relationship building blocks habit for most of us but not building block material,  lets face it it’s not a job interview it’s your life, time and heart!...its your potential forever...

If you cannot tell someone upfront what you are about  and who are and own it! then you cannot expect them to NOT want to mould you into their ideal…

The point will always remain that relationships that have a serious chance in hell are those that start with the truth, even the ugly truth move to acceptance of all the truths..... and then off course  live of basis of shared values- anything other than that is utter BS:

·         Fixing each other will not fix the self.

·         There is nothing wrong with learning from each other in a relationship and helping  one another, but  continually  trying to help, steer ,assist and mend their broken wing is not your job it can have a rather costly effect at the end.

The only thing you can do is own your daddy and mommy issues and fix yourself, if you have abandonment issues, being over needy won’t change that, your lack of trust is not my fault , matter of fact it will chase your me away, if you have body image issues go the gym, eat healthier, if you have a need to control your partner, control yourself first, if you lacking spiritually then go to a church, find a group mend the self.. read- explore- meditate.

The only thing you can, to enrich the life of your partner  is  to trace back the root of the wound , that caused the hole in the self,  whether it may stem from your mother or father address them, charge them down , own them and start  the mending , otherwise you will spend countless hearts and heartbreaks later trying to mend your wounds through someone else.

The road to self love is not an easy one, but I can promise you know it’s the worth the while own your issues...

Your Thoughts?