Tuesday, 14 August 2012

The Unspoken Relationship Rule\tool- No one wants to share...your pearl of wisdom to more sex, more understanding, more intimacy





Before i continue i urge you to not read further, unless you are about to take what i say  DDEEEEEEEPLY seriously , and unless you are going to use these tools for the better!.

At the end of this article, and if you employ this skill, i will guarantee you at least a 20% increase in your understanding, communication and intimacy of your current relationship, as well as atlseat a 20% increase on all other close relationships. you have, if that is..... you.... choose to own , and hone this skill.

  • You will argue lesss
  • You will understand more
  • You will grow together
  • You will be loved in the way you want to
  • It will increase your understanding of yourself- witch will in turn help you to get the love you want
  • You will love the way you are expected to
  • And intimacy and Sex will not disappear after year 1.
I am a communications major, with an interest in human behaviour and about 9 years ago in my Psych 101 class we touched on interpersonal relations  and on a topic called Love Languages....by Dr Gary Chapman

 Offfcourse first i thought the notion  was absurd, first we have verbal,   (talking) and non verbal communication (body language) and now you want to tell me we have a love language too?!?!?! -  AS IF IT ISNT HARD ENOUGH TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY PARTNER....(Intense i thought)...YA RIGHT

but never in my mind did i think such  a  simple tool could be such an aid to a healthy mutually fullilling relationship- Thanks Gary!

So love languages what are they?

Simply put they are the preferred ways that one wants to receive love, or the expression of love.
Its a primary way of expressing and interpreting love.

Lets dig deeper  into the love launguages and see how to make that special one feel special.

So we have..
  • Words of Affirmation
    Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
  • Quality Time
    In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful
  • Receiving GiftsDon’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love,of thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
  • Acts of Service
    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
  • Physical Touch
    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Discover your love language click her : http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/


ANYHOOO, now that you know your love language, or your spouses i am going to share with you how this has played out in my life and how i can ateast to it working.

The people in my circle of love and as i go along they willl know i am using them for the good of learning- all have one or two of these lanuages .. so enjoy the insight and how these love languages work..for me

Lets start with my:
  • Quality time types-  Firstly my love language is touch...but please don't touch me unless we are intimate..
On top of that speak love in gifting...anyway  lnto my quality time lion...now i can stay away from my quality time soul for three days...rock up with a brand new car, some treats (gifts) and stories to tell...

we can spend hours talking i can leave and she wont feel  that loved...
should i rock up hangover one day and we spend the whole day laying together watching movies and chatting- i can leave in 2hrs and she will feel more loved -(get it quality time)

  • Gift types- Oh my gifter he makes my life amazingly wonderful, would almost say his the love of my life.... but come his birthdays or anniversaries i get full on panic attacks..

  • i tested  this theory once and decided to forget his birthday...trust me i still here about it... and ladies if your man speaks gifts NEVER PULL THIS STUNT...
Seriuosly  the pressure for me as a toucher  to show thoughtfulness... and caring and get the perfect gift is  madness...sometimes i just want to cop out and make my gift be HUGE hug...but you get my point.

  • Acts of service types..- oh  Lordy ..my acts of services was a life lesson  all on his own - this  next exapmle is one that is very common in marriages....
 he comes home and you complain..you haven't kissed , hugged or touched me in days.. you dont love me.

him: but i ,took out the trash , fixed the broken light , washed the clothes  etc how  can you say i don't love you!

As you can see it is important to know how your loved one speaks love, and try and speak to them in the way the understand..

So if you haven't ,taken the test take it...and enjoy the new journey of your relationships

Your Thoughts ?

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