FCUK POTENTIAL -Mistakes women make ……Falling in love with potential!

One of the words I despise the most in the English dictionary is the word-potential,.....

i acutually dont despise it, it grates my soul, never allow anyone to  tell you that you have potential to be something better than you are now- and never build castles in the sky with a man or a women cause that word- anyway so bloody potential....

 I despise it because, it  fools women  into putting their hearts on the line for a maybe , a  probability… or a possibility..

Firstly I can’t imagine the pressure a guy feels, knowing that is girlfriend is looking forward to what he can become someday…

 Then secondly I just don’t get why women delude themselves sooooooooo…hang on for dear life, overcompensate…. by trying to work harder to help their men self actualize.....or

bett er yet …pushing them into things that they don’t want to do, to become the man they can be…and  then to top it off crying and screaming and mourning when they put so much in , just to find that the  potential didn’t  actualized to its fullest.....fcuk potential in all forms

• Potential Relatiolnships
• Potential friends
• Potential happy endings

Seriously ladies, it’s like you’re buying a great heel or sole, in the promise that it MAY make a great shoe one day…

i say enough of that rubbish, can we just try and keep it real…plant our stilettos firmly in the ground and, work with the here and know and not the “what could be”

I see it too often, women who hang on cause he seems like he could:

·         Be a great husband one day,

·         Be a great father one day,or a successful man.

Can we please try and do the men out there a favour   and  date the boy we meet, instead of fall in love with the man he could one day be…

The ugly truth is that in essence you are indirectly telling your men that they aren’t good enough as you have met them, but you have faith in the fact that one day they will be… so in the interim, you will stick around and polish, tweek and fine tune them.

Then you are selling yourself short- if you need to settle for men with potential, then you dont have enough faith in yourself to go for exactly the guy you wan-full stop

We all know that people will only grow and be a success and or change , when they feel ready to do whatever it is they want to do.

let me not go into how that is not your place as the women in his life -(another day maybe)

Dont get me wrong-  by all means support the boy you fell in love with, walk with him on his path to greatness, but don’t for the life of Zeus bank on his potential.

His not some blunt object, that you need to change into a sharp killing career – husband-father ass kicking machine.

Your are not a magic time machine, your relationship is taking place now- so enjoy it…and take the pressure off your Mr. Now..

Your thoughts?

Eyes Wide Shut Dating- How did he\she end up with "that" ...beauty and the geek.

This post is inspired by Remi Dammert-  A friend who once apon a time..handed me a book titled "the Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer"

"did you guys here the news? xyz just bagged herself a doctor, they are getting married next

year, lucky girl"

"Dude, you guys should meet xyz's girlfriend, she is a model, he needs to tie her down quickly honey is fiiionnnne"

"OMG guys how in this world, did he end up with her?, she is so pretty"

" what a waste that hunk is on her arm? he couldve done so much better"

 Have you ever heard similar conversation between, people or have engaged in one yourself where the jist of the conversation, goes little something like  the statements above or the ones below:

‘I can’t believe they broke up,  or ended their relationship, he is such a good man, good looking,  his tall, dark ,handsome, has a great job,  is successful, driven, is well respected, owns his own house,  and could’ve given her the life she wanted, A man like that is rare, and if I were her, I would’ve stuck it out”

                                                                              OR

Love? …Why are you still in this relationship, well, his a good man, he is stable, provides for the house, has a great job, is going to be very successful one day, has good points like- caring, timely, driven , neat, can cook and will provide me the life that I want”

                                                                            OR

Guys I just met the hottest, most cutest women, with an ass for days and a smile like sunshine, I think I am inlove…

If you haven’t, then I may be moving  around in the wrong universe….moving on, 

Todays post, is for the people, who choose their relationship partners with their EYES WIDE SHUT.

Those of us, who float on this very, primitive ,uninstinctive check list of adjectives …… the post is really to explore the question of  why  a man\women’s , height, complection , car, house , bank account, job title and looks , makes them of value??????….or even qualifies them as a good catch?????…

What in the hell, happened to well mannered, loyal, loving, accountable,responsible, honest and  integrity  driven indivdulas, in all our “type lists?  

Where was I when good old fashioned values got replaced by a bunch of adjectives like tall, dark and handsome? Or ,tall, sexy, caramel and successful?

No seriously..... why are we staring at the wood instead of the tree? Why in the world are those silly adjectives more important then the entire package?…why do we not date blind?

I always wonder  if we have lost all integrity when it comes to dating..what will happen to us out there who date with our eyes wide shut….....lets say hypothetically speaking 

 A fire burns your  adjective –based partners house down one day with him inside and paralyses him witch in turn makes him lose his job.....

whats then left  to salvage of them?

if all that was used to bed them and start a conversation with , was a  bunch adjectives

Mmmmm think about it…i will tell you what happens

now your butt, is  stuck with   a "poor", reduced self esteemed, unsuccessful , not so gorgeous man,\women who has lost everything and is now your problem to deal with….

Unknowingly to your ignorant self , you assumed MR,  and Mrs tall dark, driven, fabulous and successful at least had values left….but they don’t...and at the time, it didnt seem important anyway.. the fame and fabuloisty was to blinding at the time, values didnt mean much..

Suddnely you find yourself, workin two jobs, to keep your lifestyle afloat, begging the bank to not repo your house, and informing your kids that they need to move to a cheaper schoool....

crying in the bathroom one day...the question grabs you by the throat" how did I land up here ? with this person, in this terrible situation,? ..... this nagging, self - centred ungrateful, rude, mean , emotionally unavailible person? Who has no respect for me or my dreams what so ever… ?

how??!?!

well simply put, you made your judgement on superficial adjectives...

I am going to say this once only, your partners job, house and  or car as well as potential to be a success one day, shouldn't even make the list,

Those are things you can provide for you own hardworking butt, in matters of the heart, A stable value based foundation is the only thing that should ultimately count;  its the integirty of the core , that we should focus on.

as the poem "the invitation" beautifully puts it:

• I don't care what you do for a living ...i want to know what you ache for, what your dreams are and what you will risk to get them
• it doesn't interest me how successful your businesses are and if the value of the stocks you own  are true- i want to know if you could disappoint another to be true to yourself.
• It  doesn't interest me to know where you live, the size of your home or how much money you have.I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
• It doesn't interest me, where or what or with whom, you have studied.I want to know what sustains you,from the inside,when all else falls away
•  I want to know if you can be alone ,with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep
  in the empty moments.

All in all, i implore you  ....don’t get stuck on the looks, the money, the jobs, the cars or the trust funds that your potential partner comes with, but take a deeper look ...  look at the core..all that giltters after all isnt gold..and the roughest stones can sometimes house the finest diamonds.

At the end of the day, looks fade, boobs sag, libidos die down,  money finishes, jobs get retired from- but your relationSHIP still has to sale,

My advice to you, in order to not have a SHIP that DOESN’T run on fumes of “what was”… OR how successful you were, or great you looked in the days …

lose the eyes wide shut “type lists”  approach and  start dating blind.

Your thoughts?

The  "hater stare down" -Own your lime-light...Green is not a good colour on you.

Dear ladies, divas and sisters out theer,  this post is for you ,  especially if you partake in  the phenomena called the " hater stare down."

This particular rant, its aimed at  that special  " stare -down"

 you know..... the look you give when another women walks into a bar or club and the rest of the females in the room give her the up and down...with the slight snarl

Followed by the  "OMG who does she think she is?" yes  ....now- you get me, the "hater stare down"


Well i thought today is the day  tackle and answer  the question for you  and tell you who she is and why you need to stop that nonsense and embrace your fellow sistas..---

she my dearest  is you, she is me. she is your sister, cousin , mother  she is the soil, she is the carrier of life, the provider for her family, and her friends, she is the hardworking you ,  the independent you,  the strong you .. authentic you , the  loving and caring you ...and by not embracing her ..you are not embracing you.

 get a real with yourself and realize that see may not be your buddu or friend but she is your sista!

SO, instead of giving sistas and divas you see walk into a room ,whom you perceive to be a threat the "Hater stare down..."

 Start acting like you know that she is an extension of you ( the human race) and replace that thought firstly .

1. with a smile, and then,
2.  secondly with THIS line "

Now there goes a great extension of my gorgeous self"- gotta love sister hood.

The UGLY truth  HERE is that NO one can take AWAY your shine or lime-light or spot light..why..cause  you were born with it!,

 SO STOP ACTING LIKE SOMEONE IS TRYING TO STEAL YOUR FOOD, ITS SAD AND PATHETIC.

it is yours, their is no need, to break down, or compete with another sista for something that is inside you.

Now get a clue and start blinding the world out there with your innate brilliance

If you  had the common sense to take a good look in the mirror you would soon realize that no one can take your lime-light from you...

The way i see it, there are no ugly or unattractive women in this world.

 There are only different variations of gorgeous walking around and its time you realize that!

  SO pls cut the BS and start supporting each other.

No shoe, dress or hairstyle will make the light that shines in you glow brighter or dim down, neither will another sista or Diva ,  and this is something you all must quickly realize...and with haste.

i am tired of the lack  of support that females give each other, goodness gracious, wake up and relalize that you are women! and that already makes you a gift-FULL STOP

 you are life, love and laughter, you are what men desire and almost every love song in the world is dedicated to.. So instead of breaking down, i urge you to build up, instead of trying to look or dress like someone else, own your OWN

Green is a great colour , but layering it with the "hater stare down" ruins yourentire outfit.

Your thoughts?

Life Lessons cont : The Graduate Program of life called- Loss

“if you dance at a lot of weddings , you will cry at a lot of funerals"

“We eventually lose everything that we have , yet  what ultimately  matters can never be lost,  Our houses, cars, jobs and even our loved ones are just on loan to us.  Like everything else our loved ones are not ours to keep, but realizing this truth should not sadden us,  to the contrarty, it should give us greater appreciation for the many wonderful  things and experiences we have during our time here and who we have it with”- Elizabeth Kebler-Ross”

Everything in life is temporary, everything ….and just like change loss is the only other constant, as we get older and live this experience we are in a constant journey of loss.

We lose friends when we move away, we lose childhood dreams,  we lose shoes, we lose clothes ,we lose innocence , we lose time , phone numbers, memories, we lose  our first loves, etc the reality is that we are not here permanently  and neither is our ownership of anything.

I  have experienced loses in my journey thus far both of the permanent and relational kind, and what I have come to learn is that loss is life and life is loss.

My focus of this post is relational loss, more commonly known as break ups… for all of you out there that are currently healing, or going through this process of loss, this post is to urge you to not fight the lessons that you are being taught -the lesson of healing and forgiveness, and to let your loved one go with well wishes and a caring smile.

This post is about urging you sit in the pain, sit in the pleasure, sit in the denial and sit in the bargaining, and off course the  anger,

Do not try and change any feeling you may have, and mostly give yourself a break, cause with loss comes the experience to cope with life,

·         Don’t ask why this is happening to you- Instead say I look forward to the lesson this holds.

·         Don’t try and get them to justify why they no longer want to be with you- instead thank them for the time spent and the journey travelled.

·         Don’t for a moment think that you are the problem , or that you are a failure-instead smile at the fact that you gave your best.

Know for a fact that time heals all , but time is wasted if you don’t do the work, you are only delaying your own lesson and happiness if you dont allow yourself time to sit in the denial, anger, resentment, or barraging of the process–if you gave a loved one years of your love , time and life, you are allowed to give yourself time to smile, cry and dance.

you are allowed to act a fool, you are allowed to not care, you are allowed to swear.

Perhaps one of lifes hardest lessons to learn, but possibly one of lifes most enrchinng lessons out there.

I am not urging you master loss, thats impossible we all deal differently with lose, and our healing cycle has it own time frame.

 i am asking to gracefully bow out of a relationship that no longer serves you, your growth, or the person you want to become, take the lesson from it, be grateful for the experience, look forward to never looking back.

And get excited about the doors that may soon be opening to you.

Your thoughts?

Shape Shifter Girlfriends…”We have so much in common”- Give me a break.

This post is for the lady who has so much in common with her man, that she now allows him to get away with dissatisfactory behaviour and a lack of respect for her and her values, but the truth is that this so much in common is in the pursuit of being the perfect girlfriend.

I am very well aware of the silent need of every lady out there to be “little Miss Perfect girlfriend or wife”

How so , well I was there, and I do see it often, but before I begin I am going to state the following:

There is a difference in supporting your man’s hobbies and likes verses fully making them your own- shape shifting to become the female version of your man- doesn’t serve you any good, it devalues you.

Let’s use my experience as an example,  and lets use racing for the sake of the lesson and aim of this post, for years in a relationship  I had centuries ago, the interests I adopted were really not mine.

 I use to be  “that” girl, the one who could play, playstation games all night with the boys, cook them their favourite meal and then dawn my racing shirt the next day at the big racing event, cheering on the racers  and knowing the racers names, profiles etc.

But if someone had to find me at a play, art gallery or a paint festival, they would be gob smacked and I would get the :

Person:“ Wow I never  have thought you, as someone that is interested in arts”

Me: “what I love the arts my favouriite work is done by so and so, I always scroll the xyz pages to see shows coming up and I own my own paint set”

Person: “Wow it’s just that you have so much in common with your man, that I wouldn’t think this of you at all, I mean just last week I saw you at the races,  where is he by the way?”

Me: Oh well you know the “arts” aren’t really his thing, so I am flying solo”

With that said I will reiterate the following, it’s great when you truly have SOOOO much in common with your man, but if you are just shape shifting to be the perfect girlfriend,  then becoming the female version of your man- doesn’t serve you any good, it devalues you, makes you put your own interest second and stunt syour growth.

Him making his hobbies and likes  number one and you make them number one, only means YOU  both certainly don’t even share a common interest of YOU.

Convincing yourself that you have a lot in common and not perusing what gives you inner peace, what helps you grow , is simply your sexy butt shape- shifting, and shape shifting for all the wrong reasons.

Yes the ships we enter into involve supporting each other’s hobbies and interest but not by any means if it means that our own value and needs  and interests get sidelined.

No real relationship between two people is going to fail cause one likes gossip girl and the other enjoys fishing, at the same time please don’t expect each other to have the same passion you have for your knitting, and he has for his stamp collecting.

These individual needs , and break away sessions is what causes the health of a relationship to stay intact.

Relationships are the sum of two individuals and whilst it is handy to have things in common, it is ok to maintain some individuality too.

Your thoughts?

Life lesson Series cont- The Lesson of Power.

“Our real power is not derived from our positions in life, careers or a hefty bank account, instead it is the expression of that authenticity inside of us, or strength , grace and integrity”- Elizabeth Kebler Ross

I have been facing a lot of situations lately targeted at my personal power and strength, to my surprise these various situations were actually slowing taking a toll on me and my lifestyle as well as my self worth..

I was sitting on my couch watching the nature channel, when the presenter mentioned how amazed he was at the power of a seed, turning itself into a flower, regardless of its surrounding or natures elements..exerting herself on it… And just like a flash of lightening it hit me..

 My power is don’t determined by exterior or material artifacts, my power is within…

I was born with my power it is innate.

Needless to say it got my chest all puffed out again and my head starting inflating.  Phew..

So….As I sat there chanting it over and over- “my power is within me” repeat, it dawned on me that as we run the hamster wheel, this notion is tooo damn easy to forget…

I soon realized that titles and labels can easily influence others behaviours and in the same vein their behaviours can impact our personal power.

Think about it,

A man goes from A boyfriend to A husband, his thunder the impression that he now has more power, same off course for women,

They suddenly see it fit, to demand more change from their partners, to start nit picking at behaviours partners had before htey met them, for their habits to change … they start using this “perceived power “ to instill change"  , Knit pick  ,hurt, or breakdown their loved ones…

Needless to say, that we all have innate personal power, and how we use this power is of utmost importance,

StielttoRamblers out their  I cannot reiterate it enough when I say ,

that it is not your right to use any power you may have over someone – whether it be the power of love, friendship , sex or money to control, hurt or knitpick at anyone

You are not their parents, you are not their teachers, and you have chosen to walk a path with them within a mutually respect being the crux of that partnership

Please get over yourselves, power is not yours to control,  power is not to be used to anyone.

Your power is innate, and if you want to use it, then use it to empower.

Your thoughts?

Guest Blogger- Confessions from the other women

When a man has an affair, its his attempt to feel powerful again, needed, desired, challenged. 

 when a women gets involve in an affair its her abusing her power..its the twisted satisfaction of watching another women's man eat out of the palm of her hands.

Its the chance to play the staring role of the kings concubine...

at first glance if you had to see me, i am not your model beauty, i am not tall, my legs are not spectacularly long, and most of their girlfriends are better looking than me, but i am always the last call in the evening, the last text and if i am in the mood a late night tumble in my sheets.

I am the other women, i help your men love you more, be more attentive and stay three months longer than they initially would, this is my fourth relationship with a man that is "attached" but not married, here i am again, and i know i should run for the heels screaming, i know the whole song of deserving better, but still i stand in the doorway of his bedroom door, feet firmly planted, belly clenching and breathing slowing down.

I am the one that gets the trinkets and gifts once more, i am the one he confides in, i am the one in the shadows, the not so obvious girl with more to offer, the one that doesnt need to beg for him to spend time with me,

I get his passion, i console him and sometimes we even talk about you and yours, i am the girl who gets the underwear but not the birthday party invitation, every second with me is not enough, every encounter has him begging for more.

I am the midnight call, the midmorning shag, i am the reason he is working late, or too busy, that is me.

This path is not for the faint hearted or for the needy,  i can tell you that much, but the lessons i have learned thus far are irrepalcebale

The less you know the better- his girlfriend has to stay a figment of your imagination

 keep your feelings at bay, 
 continually give yourself a reality check, your feelings have no space in this place,
 shes his safe haven and you are his whirlwind, 
remember your role, play it well.

Don't ever believe a word he says.

He's going to lie to you. Why wouldn't he? He's lying to her. Oh, you're different? You're not.

 You're just the other woman. You're a girl he's not looking to make his future with. You're just the girl he's entertaining in his present. And you will be a part of his past.

 Don't flatter yourself with mental lies saying you're what he really wants. You maybe, but you're far from what he needs. He's playing a game....and your allowing it so...

Congratulations, you've successfully made it through your "other woman" experience...my conscience says to me now

Breathe. Cry. Get angry. Move on.

It's now time to focus on you.
Forgive and forget.

You may be thinking, "What do I have to forgive him for? I'm the one who's hurt!" You're right. He did a shitty thing, but so did you.

You've gone through your depression. You've beat yourself up for what you did. You've wondered "what if" more times than you can count. And you're still in the same condition he left you.

Forgive yourself for putting yourself through that. Forgive him for playing both you and his girl. Now forget it happened. Move on with your life.

Realize your self-worth.
You're a beautiful person inside and out. You made a mistake, and you've forgiven. You owe it to yourself to delve deep and figure out what you aren't happy with in yourself.

Whether you don't think you have a good personality, you think you're not pretty enough or not skinny enough: Figure it out.

 In the words of Susan Jeffers, "Remove those 'I want you to like me' stickers from your forehead and, instead, place them where they truly will do the most good -- on your mirror."

What is a Good Relationship?
 how can we define relationships as great, fun or even envy them?

i often spend alot of tme with alot of different folks ,and wether we be talking about a celebrity relationship, our parents relationships of simply friendships, the word that comes up to often is "They have such a good relationship" "they are so in love"

As usual my head starts to run...."what is a good relationship" seriously what does it look it like?

what charetiistcis  does it portray?
what colour is it?
whats its warranty?
....  unlike other products like cars and Tv's " good relationships" don't float around with  "A features- package" if you will

One thing i am sure on is that love is a big catalyst of a good relationship, but offcourse

 love has different meanings for everyone, i can ask you all to define love, but i dont have that time, so to find a common feeling i am going to settle on the

 feeling of pain  when love is lacking, or its being taken away. moving along

Three days later into reading any and everything i  could get on "good relationships" i finally found the features package if you will:

Good Relationships require real commitment:

• its involves two people with their feet frimly planted in the SHIP, commitment to towards the shared interest and success of the relationship- Not a SHIP where one is loving more than the other, or trying to get the other to get onto their way of thinking--committing together to creating the loving trusting SHIP that you both want

A good relationship requires self love 

•  In order to have a happy relationship and love life , you need to first love and have a relationship with yourself, IF YOU HAVE NOT DATED YOURSELF- YOUR BEING A FOOL BY DATING ANYONE ELSE... unfortunately theirs is just no way you can make sure you have a GOOD relationship if you haven't established how you like to be loved and what makes you happy.\

A good relationship requires you to KEEP IT REAL

• This means that you don't pretend that your SHIP is good, but the windows are    broken
•  communication lines are breaking up and taps are leaking, you and your partner have a responsibility towards the health of your ship. just as you would have over your kids, or favourite garden,
• you need to do quality control checks, do the audits and then fix what is broken in the ship

A good relationship works on real time

• Address issues or argumemtents in real time- DONT GO TO BED ANGRY - you may never wake up to see the next sunrise, so always stay up, talk it out- Adressss the issues in real time.

Seeks not to understand or control but to nurture, love, guide and accept

• This has personal weight for me- it is nearly impossible to understand another human being,NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE  - you would have to have seen  them from birth and see then on a near molecular level
• you don't need to always try to understand each other, simply nurture guide and love another

A good relationship is pain free.

• Love is a great gift, it it giving, caring, adventurous, passionate, without condition, its forgiving , its encompassing. BUT LOVE IS NOT PAIN.

So the bext time the good relationship word gets thrown around, or someone compliments you on having a good relationship...you have an idea of what they see-or atleast what should be reflected.

Your Thoughts?

Friendship, the perfect blendship....Or a toxic dose of love that HURTS..

"Some friends may be betrayers from the start; others may turn into betrayers because of what's going on in their lives or because of changes in their personality"

Friendship is a delicate thing to have, maintain and build, i must admit i thought i knew what a friendship entails when i was in high school, i partook in friendship bracelets, labelled people as best friends , bossom buddies etc.

Ontop of that for the longest time in my life i had 80% of my friends be men, and i must admit i use to be proud of that fact untill ............i got to college, and soon realized that your longest and closests friends are the ones you will make in college or atleast in your 20-30 year age gap.

i learned some serious lessons on the nature and fickleness of these female bonds and thought i would put my insights on a page.

Firstly their are 101 definations of friendship and sometimes the demands we put on our friends are more than those we put on our partners, and i can safely say breaking up with a friend is much more devastating then breaking up with a lover.

Secondly, i find it amusing that regardless of the fact that these are relationships too, they seemingly manage to slip and bend regular relationship rules...common decency is another thing that this relationship is also allowed to ignore...i dont see how the same principles dont apply...

So with that said,

My definition off friendship is vast and varies dpending on the nature of your relationships, but what friendship idoes not have a space for is:

1. Abuse:

 to often i see how a group of girls have a pack leader, and how within this unit there can be serious amount of abuse..and for some reason, due to the fact that it is coming from a group of girls it is not that spoken off, nor is it  fought back on either.

Here is the deal ladies, taking abusive or degrading behaviour  FROM ANYONE .. IS NOT ON...ALSO to remain part of this group is plain stupidity..., and anybody that sits by and allows someone to be bullied is not worth it... these people are not your friends, not even slightly..love your own ass abit more and cut the ties.

  2.  Jelousy:
 Now we all know what jelousy looks like, IF YOU HAVE A FRIEND THAT YOU DEEM SLIGHTY JELOUS OF YOU- lose them, their is no place in an authentic friendship for jelousy,you simply cannot be friends with someone who secretly envies you- You deserve better- cut the biatch lose.

   3. Competiton: 

if you find yourself in a space with a bunch of women that are constantly competing with each other- for the better the outfit , cuter guy, sexier haircut-

Book the f*ck  out, you cannot be competed with or be competing with friends, you are all individual beings , that are suppose to support each other, and love each other just the way you are.

4. Double- Crossing:   
The two timing - double crossing, gossip monger, who just gives you silent treatment, and puts you on constant guilt trips- You just can do better than her, full stop move one

5. Undisclsoing -

When you tell your friend that this is between "us" and it doesnt take her longer than a phone call to spill- the line you need to use is- You are the weakest link goodbye.

6. Fault finding: 

These friendships  are the ones that consist of constantly breaking each other down on anything and everything the other tries to do- if they cant give you possitive critiism and guidnece do the princess WAVE with a smile.

Frienship is important, their is not doubt, but trust me 4 great girlfriends, beats a team of double- crossing, disclosing gossips, dont compromise your friendship boundaries, due to the fear of lonliness, be the friend you want to have and have patience the right ones will arrive.

Also its ok if not everybody is your friend, its not your duty to be everyones bossom buddy,  You ared allowed to be picky.

I have told you know what friendship is not,  and that with  relationships you may be picky, cause this one is a lifelong journey.

Carmen, Chanty, Robin ,Bongi , Ushi, Lizel , Chris,Nash, Lina  and Zelda- thank you for teaching me what friendship is and what the HELL it sure aint.

Love and Light.
Stiletto Rambler

The Unspoken Relationship Rule\tool- No one wants to share...your pearl of wisdom to more sex, more understanding, more intimacy





Before i continue i urge you to not read further, unless you are about to take what i say  DDEEEEEEEPLY seriously , and unless you are going to use these tools for the better!.

At the end of this article, and if you employ this skill, i will guarantee you at least a 20% increase in your understanding, communication and intimacy of your current relationship, as well as atlseat a 20% increase on all other close relationships. you have, if that is..... you.... choose to own , and hone this skill.

• You will argue lesss
• You will understand more
• You will grow together
• You will be loved in the way you want to
• It will increase your understanding of yourself- witch will in turn help you to get the love you want
• You will love the way you are expected to
• And intimacy and Sex will not disappear after year 1.

I am a communications major, with an interest in human behaviour and about 9 years ago in my Psych 101 class we touched on interpersonal relations  and on a topic called Love Languages....by Dr Gary Chapman

 Offfcourse first i thought the notion  was absurd, first we have verbal,   (talking) and non verbal communication (body language) and now you want to tell me we have a love language too?!?!?! -  AS IF IT ISNT HARD ENOUGH TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY PARTNER....(Intense i thought)...YA RIGHT

but never in my mind did i think such  a  simple tool could be such an aid to a healthy mutually fullilling relationship- Thanks Gary!

So love languages what are they?

Simply put they are the preferred ways that one wants to receive love, or the expression of love.
Its a primary way of expressing and interpreting love.

Lets dig deeper  into the love launguages and see how to make that special one feel special.

So we have..

• Words of Affirmation
  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
• Quality Time
  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful
• Receiving GiftsDon’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love,of thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service
  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
• Physical Touch
  This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Discover your love language click her : http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/


ANYHOOO, now that you know your love language, or your spouses i am going to share with you how this has played out in my life and how i can ateast to it working.

The people in my circle of love and as i go along they willl know i am using them for the good of learning- all have one or two of these lanuages .. so enjoy the insight and how these love languages work..for me

Lets start with my:

• Quality time types-  Firstly my love language is touch...but please don't touch me unless we are intimate..

On top of that speak love in gifting...anyway  lnto my quality time lion...now i can stay away from my quality time soul for three days...rock up with a brand new car, some treats (gifts) and stories to tell...

we can spend hours talking i can leave and she wont feel  that loved...
should i rock up hangover one day and we spend the whole day laying together watching movies and chatting- i can leave in 2hrs and she will feel more loved -(get it quality time)

• Gift types- Oh my gifter he makes my life amazingly wonderful, would almost say his the love of my life.... but come his birthdays or anniversaries i get full on panic attacks..

• i tested  this theory once and decided to forget his birthday...trust me i still here about it... and ladies if your man speaks gifts NEVER PULL THIS STUNT...

Seriuosly  the pressure for me as a toucher  to show thoughtfulness... and caring and get the perfect gift is  madness...sometimes i just want to cop out and make my gift be HUGE hug...but you get my point.

• Acts of service types..- oh  Lordy ..my acts of services was a life lesson  all on his own - this  next exapmle is one that is very common in marriages....

 he comes home and you complain..you haven't kissed , hugged or touched me in days.. you dont love me.

him: but i ,took out the trash , fixed the broken light , washed the clothes  etc how  can you say i don't love you!

As you can see it is important to know how your loved one speaks love, and try and speak to them in the way the understand..

So if you haven't ,taken the test take it...and enjoy the new journey of your relationships

Your Thoughts ?